Cold
by DazzledLacey
Summary: Edward Never returns to forks in New Moon. It is 2 years later and Bella is happy with Jacob Black. What happens when Jacob imprints on another girl. Will Bella be able to surrive? Who will save her now?
1. Chapter 1Bella's Birthday Party

_**This is a story about what would have happened if Edward never came back in New Moon. Written 2 years after The Cullens left Forks.**_

_**I do not own anything Twilight!**_

I sat up with a start as my alarm went off loudly next to my bed. I rolled over to turn off the annoying buzz thinking about the dream I had been having. I was dreaming about him, again. We were together and happy both 17 forever. I had to shake the thought out of my head. He was gone forever, and today, I was turning 20 years old. I groaned at the thought.

It had been 2 years since my 18th b-day. That was the night that changed my life forever. A night that as hard as I tried, I won't ever forget. I try hard not to think about the night Edwards brother Jasper tried to attack me after I got a paper cut opening a gift at the birthday party the Cullen's had thrown me. It was that night that Edward held me while I slept, thinking about right and wrong. It was when he decided he didn't want me any longer and decided to leave 2 days later.

I don't remember much of those few months that passed after the whole Cullen family left with not so much as a goodbye. I didn't just lose Edward, the love of my life, I also lost a family, a best friend, and a future I wanted more than anything. The loss of all of that, had left me catatonic. It wasn't till Charlie got me to hang out with Jacob Black that I snapped out of it, somewhat. I was left with a huge hole in my heart.

Jacob and I became best friends fast. I spent all of my time with him down in his make shift garage in LaPush. Jacob became my own personal sun. He made me happy. I grew to love Jacob. Never the way I could love Edward, but I could see a life with Jacob, a future. Even after I found out that Jacob became a werewolf, It didn't change how I felt for him. We had become very close. Closer than I thought I could ever be with someone besides Edward.

After about 6 months with Jacob, we became a couple. It was never the same as it had been with Edward, and I didn't want it to be, But it was enough and I was happy. I graduated high school and started classes at Peninsula Community College. I also did secretarial work for my dad down at the police station part time.

With all that and spending as much time with Jacob as I could, it kept me busy. Busy enough not to think of my past and think of Edward. But he was always there, in the back of my mind, in my dreams. I even thought I saw a glimpse of his bronze hair in the forest outside my house. Of course I was just imagining it. Edward was off somewhere with his distractions as he called it. He didn't love me anymore. He told me that the day he left. Of course I would always love him.

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I was in my bedroom getting dressed for the day, when my phone vibrated on the night stand next to my bed.

I flipped it open and saw a new text message from Jacob.

Happy Birthday Bells! I love you and can't wait to see you tonight for your party! Meet me at first beach by the fire pit by five o'clock!

I flipped my phone shut and groaned at the thought of a party for my birthday. I hated to be the center of attention. With my luck I will trip and fall right into the fire pit. Plus if I had it my way, I would never celebrate another birthday again. It's too painful. But Jacob insisted. Said it would be good for me. I needed to move past everything that still hurt me.

I finished getting dressed and ran downstairs to have a quick breakfast before I had to be at school. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Happy Birthday Bells!" He said enthusiastically.

"Thanks dad." I pulled out the box of pop tarts and tossed two into the toaster.

"So are you looking forward to your party tonight with Jake and all your friends?" He asked while I poured myself some juice and sat down next to him at the table.

"Spending time with Jacob and the rest of the gang yes, the party no. I hate parties and you know it. I don't know how you got so lucky to get out of going." I said taking a bite of my pop tart.

"Cause I have to work Bella, you know that. Besides, you don't want your old man there cramping your style." He laughed.

I snorted at that and popped the last of my pop tart in my mouth. I got up and gave Charlie a kiss on the cheek and started to head out.

"Hey Bella, have fun tonight. I know Jake put a lot of work into this party for you. Try to enjoy yourself."

"Yeah, ok dad. I will."

"I won't see you till tomorrow. I am working all night. If you need me just call." Charlie said then taking a sip of the coffee.

"Right Dad, I'll be fine. See you tomorrow." And with that I was out the door to my old red Chevy truck. Thankfully my boyfriend was a good mechanic. I have had little problems with the truck, I knew it wouldn't last forever, but Jake kept it tuned up for me and fixed things as needed.

Of course if something were to happen to my truck, I could always ride my motorcycle that Jake fixed up for me. He had one too and that was a past time of ours that was special. Us just riding around the roads of La Push.

Charlie had eventually figured it out. With all the hospital visits I was having he finally got it out of me. He threatened that I couldn't keep seeing Jake if I kept getting hurt while with him. He demanded to know why I was coming home with concussions and skinned arms. I finally gave in and told him. He was furious at first, but he saw that I enjoyed it and I really had gotten pretty good at it. So he bought me a helmet and riding jacket and made me swear to wear them. I was relieved to say the least that he didn't make me stop riding with Jake.

The day went very quickly and before I knew it I was on my way to LaPush. I was anxious to see Jake. He had been busy planning my party this last week, and I had been busy with school and work so we didn't see each other as much as I would have liked. When I went without seeing Jake for an extended amount of time I got cranky and irritable.

I parked my truck at the edge of the forest that led to First Beach and got out and trudged through the forest only tripping a few times on the way. I came out to the long stretch of beach. It was a sunny day in Forks for a change and unseasonably warm. The sun was setting low on the horizon and there was a slight breeze, but still comfortable.

"Happy Birthday Bella!" Quil said coming up to me and pulling me in for a big bear hug.

"Thanks" I squeaked. "Quil…Can't… Breath."

He let go of me and dragged me to the rest of the group. Everyone was there, Sam and Emily, Leah and Seth, Jared and Kim, Paul and Rachel, Embry, Quil and little Claire and Colin and Brady.

Everyone came up to me and gave me a hug and wished me happy birthday. For some reason though the person I wanted most wasn't there.

"Where is Jake?" I asked looking around the beach for him.

Everyone grew quiet and looked at each other.

"He is just finishing some stuff at the house. He will be here soon." Sam said.

"Yeah, have a seat Bella, relax, stay a while." Said Paul while patting the spot next to him.

I took a seat and the chatter picked up again. However I couldn't concentrate. Something was off. Everyone was acting weird, and why wasn't Jake here. He hated being away from me even more than I hated being away from him.

"So, Bella, do you have any special birthday wishes?" Seth asked me pulling me out of my own thoughts.

"No, not really, I'm just ready for another birthday to be done with." I said laughing.

I pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear and looked up at Seth. That is when I saw them. Jake was walking towards us looking down at his feet. He was carrying a small square box wrapped in blue wrapping paper. Walking next to him was a girl I didn't recognize. At first I thought it was Jakes other sister Rebecca, but this girl looked too young and didn't really look like Rachael, her twin sister.

The girl kept looking at Jake, then back to the group scanning the faces till she met mine. Her eyes immediately dropped to the sand. She was beautiful. She had long dark brown hair with streaks of red highlights when the sun caught it just right. There was just a small amount of curl at the end of her thick hair that nearly reached her butt. Her eyes were shaped like almonds. They were very big and dark brown. She had perfect eye brows and her eye lashes were thick. Her nose was perfect and straight. Her lips were a shade of dusty rose and plump. She needed no makeup that was for sure. She was tall, thin and looked athletic. Her skin looked smooth and was russet color, but not as dark as Jacobs.

I got up from where I was sitting next to Paul and walked over to meet Jake. I wanted to know who the girl was standing next to him and why did she look so nervous.

"Hey Bella, Happy Birthday." Jake said as he pulled me in for a hug. I went to give him a deep kiss, but he just gave me a quick peck. That was weird, normally Jacob was all for PDA. More often than not I couldn't keep his hands off me.

"Thanks Jake. Who's this?" I asked taking his hand and looking at the pretty girl next to him.

He looked over to the girl and back at me nervously.

"Uh, this is Savannah, Colin's sister. She is visiting from college. She goes to USC in California. I told her she was more than welcome to come, I hope you don't mind." Jake said nervously.

"Hi Savannah, it is nice to meet you. Of course you are more than welcome to join us." I said as we reached the rest of the group.

She smiled shyly and looked back at Jake. Ok. I guess she is one for little words.

We sat down around the bonfire. The fire was warm and big. I still marveled at the colors of the blue's it turned from the driftwood. The flames danced, licking up to the night sky.

The sun had set and we were all hanging around eating the hot dogs we had cooked in the fire. There was a ton of food. I was sure with the packs appetite though, it would be all gone quickly.

Jake was acting really weird and didn't say much to me all night. Savannah sat next to him and Colin. The atmosphere seemed thick and a little awkward. I couldn't figure out what was up though. Jake stared at the fire most of the night.

I opened up my gifts from my friends even though I had demanded that they didn't get me anything. From Colin and Brady I got an ITunes gift card. Seth, Leah and Quil bought me The Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire DVD. I have a little crush on Cedric Diggory. Sam and Emily got me a gift card to the local book store, in which I was very grateful. I had read Wuthering Heights enough times I had it memorized and I wanted to expand my small book collection desperately. Jared, Kim, Paul, Rachel, and Embry all chipped in and got me a new blue IPOD. I was so excited. My current IPOD was pretty much full. I couldn't wait to get it home and load it with all my old songs and tons of new ones I had waiting on my ITunes.

"Ok Jake, it is your turn." I said holding out my hand. "I will try not to get too upset with you for getting me something."

I was actually kind of excited to see what he got me. Our relationship was getting pretty serious. Not quite marriage or anything but still enough to wonder what he would get me.

"Um Bella, I would like to give you this in private if that is ok?" He asked looking at me quickly then looking back to the fire.

"Yeah Jake that's fine, whatever you want." I said grabbing his hand. He was hesitant but kept his hand entwined with mine.

I wonder what it could be then. I couldn't fathom what he would want to give me in private and not in front of all our friends. I guess I would find out soon enough.

I blushed profusely when everyone sang happy birthday. Emily made the cake and of course it was delicious. The night started winding down and everyone started saying their goodbyes. I gave everyone a hug and thanked them for their generosity. Everyone was gone except me, Jake, Sam, Leah, Colin and his sister Savannah.

I had grabbed all my gifts and was looking around for Jake. I spotted him just down the beach a little ways talking to Savannah. I was about to walk over when I noticed the look in his eyes. They were sad, yet, filled with love and devotion. I was confused. I felt like I was intruding on their moment when I remembered that was My Jake. I looked over as Sam and Emily walked up to me.

"I hope you had a nice Birthday Bella." Sam said, his hand entwined with Emily's.

That is when it clicked. Jake was looking at Savannah the way Sam looks at Emily. The way Jared looks and Kim, the way Quil looks at Claire and the way Paul looks at Rebecca. Savannah wasn't just an old friend of Jakes. Jake had imprinted on her.

"No." Was all I managed to squeak. I dropped all of my birthday gifts at my feet.

At that moment Jake looked up at me. I looked him in the eye for 2 seconds before I turned and ran as fast as I could away from him. My already fragile heart broke. I now had two massive holes left by the two people who promised to love me forever and who swore they would never hurt me.

I tripped several times running back to my truck. My mind was a haze. I couldn't think straight, all I felt was pain and betrayal. I didn't hear the sound of the large feet running behind me. I barley even felt it when the warm strong hands grabbed me and stopped me from going further.

"Let me go!" I screamed. I couldn't even see who the person was through the tears and haze that covered my eyes.

"Bella, please I didn't mean for this to happen. I am sorry."

It was Jacob. The last person I wanted to see right now.

"Yeah whatever Jake, just leave me alone. I can't take this. I can't do this, not again. You of all people Jake, should know that my heart can't go through this again." I sobbed trying to pry away.

"I never wanted this to happen, Bella. I love you. I know I am supposed to protect you and not hurt you even more. I hate myself for this. I am sorry Bella, I am sorry for who I am."

I looked up to Jake who had tears streaming down his face.

"Yeah, well I guess that is what happens when you fall in love with the supernatural, they can't help who they are right, which makes it o.k. to break your heart. Now just let me go Jacob. I want to go home NOW!" I screamed and tried to wrench my arm away. It wouldn't budge.

"Bella, it isn't like I could help this. I can't control this. You know that. I tried to fight it but I couldn't. All I could think about was how this was going to break your heart. I don't want to hurt you Bella, but I don't know what to do. It just is so right with Savannah. When I saw her everything came to a screeching halt. I can't explain it. Everything just revolves around her, but Bella, that doesn't mean I don't love you. I do. It just isn't the same. I am sorry. Bella Please, I am sorry." Jacob said sinking to his knees and wrapping his massive arms around my waist.

"Stop, Jake! I can't hear this. Of all the days it had to be today. You know how hard my birthday is for me, but knowing I had you made it better and now, I have nothing. I have lost the two people who I loved the very most in my life almost exactly two years apart. Why did it have to be today?" I yelled shaking hysterically.

"I am sorry, this isn't how I wanted your birthday to be. I know how hard it is for you Bella. I know you still hurt over that Leech. I know you still cry over him, I can't understand it. I never said anything though, I just tried to be there for you. I knew you would always love him more than me, but I didn't care as long as you loved me. My biggest fear was that he would come back and take you away from me. I was afraid you were going to be the one to leave me. I never thought I would be the one hurting you. I am sorry." Jake said hugging me to his chest tighter.

I just wanted to run and never look back. I needed to escape, but Jacob was holding onto me too tight. I would probably have bruises tomorrow from it. Like I would care, I would be hurting a lot worse than some bruises. At least the bruises would disappear. This pain though, losing Jake would never disappear. I wished I could just disappear.

"Bella, please say something, anything. Tell me you hate me; tell my how much I suck. Please."

"Jake, I have to go now. You better get back to your soul mate or whatever it is you half breeds call it." Again, I tried to pull away. This time he let me. I started to turn to run to my truck and I saw Jake reach for me again.

"I love you Bella, please forgive me." He begged. He was still on the ground on his knees. He was bent over with his palms on the ground shaking. I wasn't sure if he was shaking cause he was trying not to phase or shaking from emotion. I didn't care.

"You know Jake, when Edward left me and broke my heart, I had you to comfort me and help heal me and piece me back together again. Now I don't even have you. What am I supposed to do? You broke my heart Jake whether you meant to or not, you did. There is no way you can fix this. Not this time. My wounds are too deep." I sobbed clutching my ribs trying to hold myself together.

"I never want to see you again Jacob. I just don't think I could stand it." With that I turned and ran to my truck as fast as I could trying not to trip on the way. I didn't care so much about the pain of falling rather than the pain of my heart bursting into a million pieces. I didn't want to be here any longer.

As I finally reached my truck, I heard a loud agonizing howl come from the trees I just exited.

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Hope you have liked it so far. Let me know what you think!

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	2. Chapter 2 Plans

**_Here is chapter 2. I know this story seems sad but it will get better eventually. I hope you like it so far._**

**_I own nothing!_**

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I don't remember the ride home. Before I realized it, I had parked my truck and made my way up to my room. I got my shoes off and that was about all I was able to function doing. I crawled into my bed and brought my legs up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my knees and curled into a ball. That is when the hysterics started. The tears kept flowing and the shaking was violent at times. I am not sure how long it was until sleep consumed me.

I slept restlessly. My dreams were strange. Just flashes of Jacob and Edwards face. The words they spoke to me telling me they didn't want me anymore. Every time I could feel my heart break into a million pieces. I would wake myself up sobbing and shaking uncontrollably all over again. At one point in the night I woke up sweating profusely. My stomach lurched and I barely made it to the bathroom to vomit violently. I don't know how long I had stayed in there, I would start heaving all over again anytime my thoughts wondered to Jacob or Edward.

At some point early in the morning, Charlie came home to find my curled in a ball lying on the bathroom floor.

"Bella, what's wrong, are you sick or something?"

All I could do was nod. I got up and went back to my bedroom crawling back into my bed and curling into a ball. Charlie had left me alone to rest. I laid there staring blankly at a small box wrapped in blue wrapping paper that was placed on my pillow. I jumped out of bed practically killing my self getting tangled in the blankets. I landed on the floor with a hard thud. I half expected Charlie to come running in to see what happened, but I could still hear him snoring in his room. When Charlie worked nights, he was out to the world for the rest of the day when he got home.

What in the hell is that and how did it get there? How long had it been there? I tried to think all the way back to when I got home last night, but I didn't turn my bed room light on so I don't know if it had been there the whole time.

I slowly walked towards the small box. There was a small piece of paper laying underneath it. My hands were shaking as I reached out and picked up the box looking at it. It was the gift that Jacob had been carrying when he got the beach.

I wasn't sure what I expected from it. It felt like a ticking time bomb in my hands. I put it back down on the bed and picked up the piece of paper, taking a deep breath, not really sure if I wanted to open it and read it. Hadn't I been hurt enough for one life time? Could I really take any more? I really didn't think I could. But at this point I had already lost everything that meant anything to me. What else could I lose?

I opened the note and took in the messy squall. It was defiantly Jakes hand writing.

_Bella,_

_I want you to have this. I will always love you. Please forgive me. I need to be in your life._

_Your Jake_

I snorted at the thought of being able to deal with having Jacob in my life. Watching him be all happy and lovely with the love of his life, while I sit back being his BFF. I don't think that was going to be happening any time soon. My heart felt cold and I was full of spite. I tried to push away what I was feeling. Trying to hide this new evil side I felt, but I couldn't. My heart was cold and broken.

I crinkled the note into a ball and threw it in the trash. I felt like burning it too, but I didn't want to make Charlie aware that something was wrong, I wasn't ready for Charlie to know what had happened with Jake and I. He would see the emotional state I was in and panic.

Flash backs of the weeks that followed Edward leaving quickly drifted into my head. Charlie tried to send me to Renee's, but I refused to go. I am sure this time he would do everything he could to push me off on Renee.

Renee was the last person I wanted to go to. She was relentless in grilling me for information I really didn't want to discuss. She would push and push not leaving me alone until I told her everything, this wasn't something I was going to be able to talk about. Ever.

All I really wanted to do was crawl into a whole and die. I didn't want to live this life any more, it hurt too much. I lost everything I had ever loved. For the first time ever in my life, I considered the unspeakable. I didn't want to live this life any more, not without Edward, not without Jacob. I should have done it two years ago, I would have saved my self a lot of heart ache and pain, along with every one else I hurt in the process.

I knew that suicide was the only answer. The pain I felt was crushing me to a point that if I didn't get rid of it soon, I would snap even more. I couldn't bring anyone else down with me, I couldn't hurt anyone else. This was it for me, the end of my road. I felt comfort in the fact that soon I wouldn't have this piercing pain ripping me open.

Edward didn't want me, he told me he didn't. He had other distractions he wanted to pursue. I wonder if he ever really loved me. I doubt it. If he had, he would not have been able to leave me the way he did. Alone and broken on the forest floor .

I must have just been another pet for the rest of the Cullen's too, otherwise, how could they just abandon me, even if Edward didn't want me anymore. Alice was supposed to be my best friend and I didn't even get so much as a goodbye, not even one phone call to see how I was doing. So they certainty wouldn't miss me when I was gone.

Jacob had imprinted, he found his soul mate. He was going to have his happily ever after, even if he did love me before, now that he had Savannah, I am sure that love was gone. Look at how Sam treats Leah. I wasn't going to do that to Jacob. I wasn't going to be the clingy ex-girlfriend that is going to hang around torturing my self hoping one day he would take me back, I knew that would never happen.

Thinking about Jake brought me back to the gift he had left me sitting on the bed. I contemplated opening, but I figured I didn't have that much longer to endure the pain. I reached down to pick up the small square box. I quickly unwrapped the blue paper revealing a black velvet ring case.

Oh you have got to be kidding me! Did he think he could have Savannah and still have me too. What, like we were supposed to share him? I get him on the weekends?

I opened up the box slowly. Inside was a platinum band with a single diamond the was set into the band. I noticed on the inside of the band was an inscription.

_Your Jacob~ Your Sun~ Forever._

That did it, I started all over again. I sank to the floor and curled my self into a ball, tears over whelming my eyes till I just closed them. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to feel. I had decided that I no longer could deal with the pain, so I would end it.

********

When I finally woke up, I was still clutching the ring Jacob had given me, but I was on my bed. I wasn't sure how I got there. I rolled over and looked at my clock, it was midnight. I couldn't believe I had slept all day and well into the night. I guess it was just my minds natural defense mechanism.

I looked at the ring Jake had given me. It was so beautiful. I wouldn't dare put it on, but I just stared at it. The hole in my chest throbbed, I tried to ignore it knowing the pain would be gone soon, but it began to consume me. I knew I wouldn't last much longer. I clutched the ring in my hand and pulled my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

My mind started to wonder to how I was going to end the pain. I knew for sure that I had to do it as soon as I could, I would wait till my dad left for work, I didn't want to have to try to explain anything to him. I didn't want to have to look him in the eye. I knew that would hurt too much and I might chicken out. I would write him a letter to explain why, I couldn't leave him with out any answers., I owed him that at least.

I had thought about using one of Charlie's many guns he kept around the house. Charlie never felt the need to hide his bullets from me, I don't think he even felt he needed to when Edward left. I really didn't want Charlie to come home to find me like that, just a bloody corpse. I couldn't imagine the mess it would leave either and I didn't want him to have to try and clean it up.

I thought about hanging my self, but again, I didn't want Charlie to find me hanging from a noose in my room. Slitting my wrists seemed like too much work and I probably wouldn't do it right. Charlie would find out and I would just end up in a mental hospital.

I was considering jumping from one of the high cliffs down in La Push. It probably would do the job, but then I remember the story about how Esme tried to kill her self after jumping off a cliff after her baby had died. She got lucky and was turned into a vampire to live an existence with her true love. That just depressed me more cause I knew that wouldn't happen and I would more than likely just end up in a hospital paralyzed or something.

That thought however reminded me of one of my more recent trips to the E.R. I had fallen off my motorcycle for the hundredth time and ended up spraining my ankle and wrist pretty bad. I had some pretty extensive bruising as well. The Dr. had given me a bottle of Vicodin that I never used, I was never one to take more than a Tylenol for pain.

Overdosing on Vicodin seemed the best way to go about my death. I wanted to really make sure I did a thorough job so I would also steal Charlie's vodka he kept for those tough days at work. He would come home and pout a shot in his beer. He didn't know that I knew he did that and I never said anything. I would take the vodka with the Vicodin. Surly that would do the trick.

Now that I knew what I would do, I needed to figure out where to do it. I thought it through, but in my heart I knew exactly where I wanted to end my life. I would do it at mine and Edward's meadow. I knew I wanted Edward to be the last person I wanted to think about and see in my mind before I died. The meadow would be perfect.

I knew how to get there from when Jake and I first started hanging out, I had him help me find it. We hiked plotting our course on a map. After Jake had become a werewolf and before I even I knew he was one, I had hiked out there by myself trying to find it. To my surprise I came across it with out too much trouble, unfortunately while I was there, I had a visit from an old friend, Laurent. He said it was better that he found me rather than Victoria cause she was put out with me because Edward had killed her mate James, when James had tried to kill me. She wanted revenge, mate for mate. How silly that sounds considering Edward and I were no longer together. Laurent however was thirsty and at the time I was the food of choice.

Lucky for me, the werewolves came just in time and killed Laurent. I was afraid for awhile that Victoria would come after me and seek her revenge, time passed and there was never any sign she was in the area. The wolves figured she was scared of them, I didn't care as long as she stayed away.

The hours passed and soon the gray sky started to get lighter. I heard Charlie get up and I decided I would pretend to be asleep. I knew after finding me yesterday in the bathroom sick that he would check in on me. I was correct and a few minutes later he opened my door and peeked in on me, I just laid there with my eyes closed. He left me alone to go get ready for work, I decided now would be a good time to write him my goodbye letter.

I got up and pulled a piece of paper from my desk and settled in the chair to start writing.

_Dad,_

_I don't know where to begin or what to say. I just want you to know that I love you, asked for. Please be happy! This has nothing to do with anything you did and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this, the pain is just too deep._

_Tell mom I love her, I will miss you both. I am sorry I have to do this to you, but hopefully now you can both live your lives without my interference._

_Tell Jake I love him and I am sorry too._

_Always,_

_Bella_

_P.S. If Edward ever comes back looking for me. Please tell him I love him more than anything in this world. I just can't live without him anymore. Not with Jake have been the best dad I could have ever _

I folded the paper and left it on my desk for the time. I planned on putting it on the kitchen table before I left. I decided to take a shower and change my clothes. I knew it seemed pointless but it was something I felt I needed to do.

As I was getting dressed I heard my dad leave the house and the police cruiser drive away. I went into the bathroom to grab the pills from the medicine cabinet. I was shaking and my heart was pounding in my chest, I was honestly surprised it could beat at all with all the pain it felt.

I grabbed the note for my dad from my bedroom and headed down stairs. I took one look around with a sigh and silently said goodbye to what had been my home the past 4 years. I grabbed the bottle of vodka from one of the higher cabinets in the kitchen that wasn't used very often. I was taking a backpack with me just to carry the vodka and the pills. Jakes ring was in my pocket, I put the note on the table in the spot Charlie normally sat and headed out the door, never to see my house again.


	3. Chapter 3The End

_**Here is chapter 3. Sorry if there are any spelling or gramer mistakes. I tried to catch them all but I am sure i missed a few. I don't have anyone right now to proof read for me.**_

_**I hope you like this chapter. It was a hard one to write.**_

_**I don't own twilight, but i would love to own Edward!!**_

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I drove in a daze down the highway, before I knew it I was on the familiar dirt road that led to no where. I got out of my truck grabbing my backpack and throwing it over my shoulder and started walking in the direction where I knew I would find the meadow, our meadow.

I tried not to think about what I was about to do, but I was still shaking, so I thought about Edward and the last time I was here with him. I had hung onto his back with my arms tightly wrapped around his neck. I used to marvel at the way we would fly through the forest never hitting a tree, but Edward always assured me he had good reflexes. Those times spent with Edward, were the happiest times in my life.

I also thought about the last time I was here with Jake. We weren't flying through the forest at top speeds, rather just walking and enjoying each others company. Jake never got impatient with my slow human speed either. Those were good times, anytime I had my own personal sun with me I was happy and content.

I didn't need a map anymore to find the meadow, I had come here several times on my own. I never told Jake, I didn't want to explain why this place was special. I knew that would hurt him, but for some reason I felt closer to Edward here. It wasn't the same without him, but it was a place I could come and day dream with out interruption.

The run in I had with Laurent here did not scare me away. In fact it did the opposite. It pulled me in wanting and hoping I would run into another vampire. Any vampire at that point. I needed to be reminded that vampires really did exist and that Edward wasn't just a figment of my dreams.

The forest was loud with life, I could hear the birds humming in the trees and critters running along the forest floor, it no longer seemed scary to me. I continued walking through the tree's, the brush loud beneath my steps. I knew I had been walking for several miles and the meadow would soon appear.

A few minutes later I walked through the arch created by two vine maples pushing through low brush into the meadow- our meadow.

It was just how I had been remembering it, I still marveled at it's perfect symmetrical circle. I took in it exquisite beauty as thoughts of Edward rushed into my head.

I walked a little deeper into the meadow to the spot where Edward and I would always lay together. We would lay there for hours just looking deep into each others eyes and holding each other close. I loved it when it would be a sunny day and I could watch him sparkle in the sun light. He was like a diamond, a beautiful diamond. When the sun would hit him the right way, he would cast tiny magnificent rainbows off his body.

When I thought about a diamond, I remembered Jakes ring. I threw my backpack down and sat next to it, I pulled Jakes ring from my front pocket and examined it closely. Reading and rereading the words that were in scripted in it. I imagined him putting the ring on my finger looking deep in my eyes, I could picture us on our wedding day, saying I do, our first kiss as husband and wife. I laughed to myself at the thought of shoving cake into each others faces, I am sure that would have gotten messy. I could picture sweet little dark hair, russet skinned babies, growing up on the reservation, playing down on the beach, running off into the forest to be like their dad.

Everything that could have been, but never would be, at least not with me. I wasn't the girl Jacob Black was meant to marry.

I took out the pills from my backpack along with the vodka. I took a deep breath and opened the pill bottle, stuck two pills in my mouth and chased them with a big swig of vodka. It made my stomach burn and sent a chill up my back. I never really drank much before. Every now and then, Jake and I would have a romantic picnic dinner down on the beach and he would always have a bottle of wine. He wasn't twenty-one yet so I just assumed Sam had bought it for him. I would only have a glass or two, cause I didn't have a very high tolerance for alcohol and that was enough to make me tipsy.

I wonder what Edward would think if he knew I killed myself. Would he even care? Probably not, not after what he said to me the day he left. He made it clear he did not want me anymore and that he didn't love me, But that didn't matter, I still love him, I always would.

Edward had become my whole world, how could he expect me to just move on like he never existed? I tried to, I really gave my all to Jake. I wasn't whole to begin with but I tried to love Jake. I did love Jake but he saw through my whole façade. He knew how much I still loved Edward, yet, he still wanted me, cold and broken. I just couldn't understand it. I hated myself for how much I must have really hurt Jake.

I was starting to feel a little light headed and dizzy from the Vicodin. I took another big swig of the vodka and cringed. I took 2 more Vicodin chasing it with even more vodka. I wondered how many pills I would need to take for it to work. I filled my mind with thoughts of Edward and swallowed two more pills.

It didn't take long for the whole meadow to start spinning violently. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my mom would take me to the state fair. She always insisted we rode the _Spinning Thunder_ right after stuffing our mouths with funnel cake and nachos.

I was starting to feel a bit nauseous, so I laid down. My heart was racing and I had sweat dripping down my body. My stomach felt sick, but I tried to ignore it. I continued to dream about Edward and the life we could have had. The hole in my heart was throbbing at this point from letting all the painful memories of my true love into my head.

I had opened the flood gates, there was no turning back. Ever memory of Edward that I had tucked away into my subconscious when I was trying not to remember came rushing back in. His butterscotch eyes, his crooked smile, his sweet smell. His beautiful velvet voice, his thick bronze hair. The way he would hold me while I slept and the way he hummed my lullaby to me night after night.

My body felt heavy and I could tell the end was near. I felt my self slipping, my eyes getting heavy. The darkness trying to grab a hold of me dragging me to the depth of unconsciousness. I didn't care, I just kept thinking of Edward and even Jake. They had both stolen my heart then broke it to pieces, from that I could never recover. I forced myself to take two more pills and another large shot of the vodka.

I was sinking in to the darkness never to return. Just as my eyes were about to close, I saw Edwards face. It was very blurry, but their was no way I could ever forget his beautiful face. I knew I must be dreaming, but I didn't care, this was exactly how I wanted to die.

"Bella! Oh God no please Bella!" I could hear my angel calling me. It was just like all the other times I put myself in danger, this was no different, all a product of my subconscious, this however was the best hallucination I have had yet. I could see his radiant face, even through my blurry vision his face was still beautiful.

"Bella, what have you done? Why would you do this to yourself? Please Bella stay with me." It felt like Edward was holding me the way he used to. Cradling me to his chest.

"Please Bella, open your eyes, stay with me." Edward told me

I was trying to do what my imaginary Edward told me, just so I could continue seeing his face, but it was hard. My eyes were so heavy, I tried to look at him one last time before the darkness over took me. It felt like I was flying. Maybe I was on my way to the after life. I wondered if I would be going to Heaven.

"I love you Edward, I am sorry. I will always love you." I told the imaginary Edward.

The last thing I heard was the beautiful velvet voice scream "Bella No! I love you too."

Then it was gone. Everything was gone except the eternal darkness that surrounded me.

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	4. Chapter 4Hallucinations

**_Chapter 4! Hope you are enjoying it so far. Please don't forget to review and let me know what you think of it so far. It is just getting started!_**

**_Also everything Twilight belongs to the ever talented SM!_**

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Beep, Beep, Beep…..

I was cold and my body felt heavy. Even though my eyes were closed, I still felt dizzy and I was slightly nauseated. I tried to open my eyes, but they were too heavy to even blink.

Beep, Beep, Beep….

I wasn't sure where I was, heaven or hell. I remembered what I had done, so I figured I was dead. It was a very peaceful way to die, hearing the soft velvet voice call my name and seeing his beautiful face, even though it was a little blurry. What isn't very peaceful is that damn beeping sound. Where was it coming from?

Beep, Beep, Beep….

I really wanted to open my eyes to see where I was. I wanted to see where I would be spending the rest of eternity, but I couldn't. I couldn't even move, so I just laid there and listened.

Beep, Beep, Beep.

That beeping was seriously getting on my nerves. I wanted to yell for someone to do something about it, but I couldn't open my mouth. It was an oddly familiar sound, but I couldn't figure out where I heard it before. Everything felt disorienting, I could hear what sounded like someone breathing I think. It was soft and even. I wanted to look to see who was breathing so close to me, but I couldn't budge.

Just then I heard the sound of a door creak open and someone walked in and shut the door swiftly but quietly behind them.

"Is she going to be o.k.?" Asked a smooth velvet voice. "When is she going to wake up? She has been asleep for over 24 hours."

I waited to hear the response, but no one answered. The velvet voice sounded very upset, I could hear the pain in his voice and I wondered who he was talking about.

"Yes, I know she is very lucky, I don't understand what she was thinking. Why would she do this to herself? This isn't Bella, Bella is to smart to want to kill herself."

The voice, the sweet familiar sounding velvet voice, was talking about me. As beautiful as his voice was, it held so much agony and despair. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, tell him I was ok. If eternity was going to be spent with the velvet voice, I was happy that I did what I did. Maybe this is heaven.

"Yes, I know. She is very lucky." said the velvet voice. " I am just glad I got to her in time."

It was silent, then the velvet voice responded to a silent question. "Yes, I will call for you when she wakes up. This is all my fault." It sounded like the person talking was now sobbing.

I heard the door open and close again. I could still hear the breathing of the person that the velvet voice belonged to, however it was much for ragged then before. Whoever was not talking must have been the one to leave the room. Maybe it was God that had come to check in on me. Maybe God could just put thoughts in your head so he didn't have to communicate out loud. I wish I knew what he had said, I wish I knew who belonged to the velvet voice. It must have been an angel with a voice that was so sweet, but why was this his fault? I am the one who killed myself.

Beep, Beep, Beep…..

Damn that beeping, is driving me crazy. I willed my eyes to flutter open. The room was very bright and it was hurting my eyes. I blinked rapidly trying to adjust my eyes to the bright lights. Once I could see clearly, I realized I was staring up at a ceiling with one long fluorescent light. I tried to sit up quickly but something was in my way restricting my movements.

"Bella! Oh God Bella, don't move, just lie down." It was the voice, I was finally going to see who the sweet velvet voice belonged to.

I turned my head towards the voice and I was staring into the most dazzling pair of amber eyes, they seemed so familiar. I stared deep into his eyes for what seemed like hours, I am sure it was only minutes, but I couldn't get enough of them. They reminded me of Edward, I must be in heaven.

"Bella, how do you feel?" I looked down to the mouth of the velvet voice. His lips looked smooth, perfect and delicious. Part of me wanted to sit up just to taste them. I couldn't talk, only stare at this perfect creature. I took in every inch of his face, it was so exquisite. His bronze hair was mused and hung a little onto his forehead, he looked just liked Edward.

What was Edward doing in heaven? Was he just a figment of my imagination I brought with me? He must be, but I wanted to touch him to make sure. I lifted my hand to try to touch my imaginary Edward, but I got tangled up in something. I really didn't want to take my eyes away from the beautiful creature standing next to me, but I wanted to see what was keeping me from touching him.

I looked down and saw a bunch of tubes and wires attached to me, it looked like I had an IV in my hand. At that moment everything seemed to click, the annoying beeping that I had heard before, the bright room that was just like a hospital room, and the IV that was stuck in my hand. I wasn't dead, I was in the hospital.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no! Shit! This isn't happening!" I said out loud scrambling to try and get out of bed. I had failed, I failed at killing my self. Wow, how pathetic was I, I couldn't even kill myself right.

"Bella, what do you think you are doing? Lie back down right now." The velvet voice demanded.

Wait a minute, I thought. I must be dreaming cause that beautiful god next to me is Edward. Wow, I must really be losing it, I must really have an over active imagination. He seems so real. Again I tried to touch him but all the tubes got in my way again, so I just stared.

Edward put his hand on my forehead. I flinched at how real he felt, how cold he was. I looked at his face, he was staring at me with so much pain in his eyes it hurt me. Why did he look so upset? I wanted to make his pain go away, I wished there was something I could do to make him feel better.

"Bella, will you say something? What were you thinking? Why would you take so many pills?" Edward asked searching my face.

"You are so realistic. My dreams have never been so vivid, I hope I never wake up." I said more to myself than the imaginary Edward.

"Bella, love, you are not dreaming. I am real, I am really here. Please Bella tell me why you tried to kill yourself." Edward asked pushing some hair out of my face.

What was he talking about? He wasn't real, he couldn't be. Edward left me because he didn't love me any more so why would he be here now? Edward was off pursuing his distractions, this was my way of torturing myself even more. I guess I could play along, I didn't want him to disappear so maybe if I continue talking he will stay fresh in my mind. I would just humor my imagination.

"I tried to kill myself because I couldn't take the pain any longer. Everything just hurt too much. First you rip a whole through my heart by leaving me, then Jacob goes off and imprints on some random girl who is now his soul mate. It all just hurt too much." I could feel the tears starting to spill over onto my cheeks. As much as this dream was going to haunt me later, I never wanted it to end. I liked having Edward here, even if he was imaginary. He really did seem so real. That must be a result from all the pills I took.

"Imprint? Bella what do you mean Jacob imprinted on someone. I don't understand." Edward asked wiping some of the tears from my face.

"Oh well apparently, werewolves imprint on a person and that person automatically becomes their soul mate for life, therefore leaving the other person they were supposed to love i.e. me behind to be miserable and alone for the rest of my life. So, since you obviously didn't love me and Jake found an automatic soul mate, I decided to put myself out of my misery and everybody else. I just couldn't take it anymore, my heart just isn't strong enough." I said all that with more sarcasm than I thought I even had in me.

"Now, will you stop making this dream so painful. Normally my dreams and fantasies are happier when you are in them. Of course they don't usually take place in a hospital but rather some place more secluded, but I will take what I can get. Besides you are a lot more gorgeous in this dreams than you have been in past dreams. " I continued.

"Bella, please believe me, you are awake, I am really here. I should have never left you. I am so sorry, Bella please, please believe me when I say leaving you was the most stupid thing I could ever do, especially knowing you were going to start hanging out with wolves. Do you know how dangerous they are? Do you know how unpredictable they are?" Edward said with what sounded like both disgust and sorrow in his voice.

"Oh please, for one if you are real I would rather just pretend you weren't cause your just going to leave me again any way and for two, Jake and I have been together for the last two years. He was there for me when you weren't. We fell in love, of course I would never have loved him the way I loved you, but that is beside the point. Now will you shut up and stop trying to ruin this fantasy." I said closing my eyes.

"What will it take for you to believe me that you are awake Bella? What do I have to do to prove to you that I am here? I am sorry for hurting you, I wish I could take it all back, but I am here now. I am here to stay, I love you Bella. Being away from you was pure torture, I should have never left. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought leaving you would keep you safe, I was wrong, I was stupid. Please forgive me." Edward said practically collapsing onto my bed sobbing.

I couldn't say any thing. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. Could this really be happening? Could he really be back? If so why would he be here? Why would he lie to me and say he loved me? If he really loved me he wouldn't have ever left me. My mind felt overwhelmed with this knowledge and all the emotions that came with it.

Before I could pull my thoughts together, Edward was leaning over me, his face only an inch from mine. My heart was racing, I could hear the heart machine go crazy with beeps. He leaned his head down and put his lips to mine. I was stunned, if I was dreaming this was the best dream ever, if I really was awake and he was really here, this wasn't right for him to be toying with my emotions like this if he didn't really want me, if he just planned on leaving again.

His lips on mine were smooth and hard. He moved them over mine with such force. He smelled just the way I remembered. His taste was sweeter than bliss. With that kiss, there was no doubt that Edward was real, that he was really here with me. I knew I could never have a hallucination that felt this real. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, devouring his lips.

Edward pulled away just as I was getting into the kiss. So much emotion went through me in that moment. All I could get out was "You are real."

He looked down at me and smiled his crooked grin at me. I wanted to yell at him and scream at him. I wanted to tell him what he had done to me when he left. I wanted him to kiss me like that again and I wanted him to hold me and never let me go. I wanted to tell him I hated him and I loved him. But before I could do any of that. His head shot up looking towards the door.

" Crap! Charlie! I have to go." He was gone and out the door before I even knew he had moved. He had left me again.

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	5. Chapter 5They're Back!

**_Thank you to all those who have reviewed. It means the world to me. I am glad you are liking the story so far. Also thank you to everyone who has added me to their alerts! I really appreciate it._**

**_I do not own twilight-_**

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I sat there in my hospital bed confused with all that just happened. Edward was just here, he just kissed me and told me he loved me. I could still taste him and my lips and smell his incredible smell. Surely he couldn't mean that he loved me? How did he know what had happened? Why did he even care? Why would he come here just so he could leave and break my heart all over again?

I couldn't just sit here and let Edward run out on me again, I needed answers, I needed to get out of this hospital. Just as I was looking down at my hands trying to figure out how to take out my IV, the door to my room opened and Charlie walked in.

"Bella, you are awake. Thank God! What the hell were you thinking? What has gotten into? You never take prescription drugs even when you are supposed to, and since when do you drink?" Charlie was rambling on. Did he think I was just took the pills for a high? Did he not realize that I was trying to kill myself?

"Bella I need some answers, what has gotten into you? You are very lucky that hiker found you."

A hiker? I knew after my recent encounter with Edward that it was not a hiker who had found me, it was Edward. That is when I started freaking out knowing Edward was just here, then left me all over again.

"Edward! He was just here, he came back. I have to get out of here, get me out of here. Please, I need to see Edward." I said beginning to cry. It was all hitting me and hitting me hard at that. I needed out of this hospital, I couldn't stay here and let Edward leave me again. Not without some answers this time.

"Bella, what the hell are you talking about. Edward isn't here, he hasn't come back. What is going on with you? Edward and the rest of the Cullen's left two years ago with out so much as a phone call or a letter since. You need to get over him Bella, he is gone."

"No, No, No!" I screamed. I was hysterical at this point. "Edward was just here Dad, he was here when I woke up. He is back, I know he is, I know I didn't imagine this. Now get me out of here now!"

At this point I was losing it and ripping the tape that held my IV to my arm off. The heart monitor was beeping faster then was probably safe for my heart to beat.

"Bella please calm….." Charlie didn't get the chance to finish cause just then the door to my room opened and very familiar face walked in.

"What in the world are you doing here?" Charlie asked, his face turning red.

"Charlie, there will be time for explanations later. Right now we need to get Bella calmed down before she does something drastic." Carlisle said walking over to me. "Bella, you need to calm down, this isn't good for you, you have gone through a lot and your not doing yourself any good by getting yourself all worked up."

I was hyperventilating by this point. I couldn't see straight and I felt like I was about to pass out.

"So if you are here does that mean Edward is back too? Is that why she is all upset?" Charlie asked trying to remain as calm as he could, but failing miserably.

"Yes." Was all Carlisle said.

"I need to get out of here now Dad. Get me out of here, I can't be here please I want to go home now!" I screamed at him.

"Carlisle, I want to take my daughter home. Please remove all these tubes and wires, she is not staying here any longer." Charlie said very firmly.

"Charlie, I don't think that is such a good idea. Bella needs to stay here so we can keep an eye on her for a little while." Carlisle said very calmly.

"No, no I need to leave now!" I ripped the IV out of my hand. It hurt, but I tried to ignore the pain. I moved up to the wires connected to my chest before Carlisle firmly put his cold hand on mine.

"Bella, what are you doing? You made yourself bleed. If you want to leave that bad I will unhook all of this for you. I need to look at your hand now too, you may have done some damage to your vain by yanking the IV out like that." He said looking at the blood pouring from my hand. He pushed a button on my bed while applying pressure to my new wound in my hand.

"How can I help you Miss Swan?" Said a woman's voice coming from the speaker attached to the bed.

"This is Dr. Cullen. Can you please get Miss Swans discharge paper work together please? I will send out Chief Swan to sign everything."

"Certainly Dr. Cullen." Said the woman.

"I am not leaving her, not like this. Look how distraught she is thanks to you and that boy of yours. She was doing better, you should have stayed away."

"Charlie, the sooner the paper work gets signed the sooner you can get Bella home. She needs some time to calm down and I think I can calm her." Carlisle said so confidant it was hard to not believe him. "She will be fine."

I looked at Charlie and shook my head telling him that I would be fine without him. I was still crying and shaking a bit, but I needed to talk to Carlisle.

Charlie hesitated looking between Carlisle and I before he walked out the door. I looked at Carlisle trying to figure out what I wanted to say.

"Bella." He said before I could say anything. "I am not sure why you did what you did. For your sake I told Charlie as well as wrote in your records that you took the Vicodin for recreational purposes. I really think however that you need to get some help. I know.."

"Wait, back up, why did you come back to Forks?" I asked interrupting him.

Carlisle hesitated and looked down at my now bandaged hand. "Alice had a vision a few days ago. The vision changed as you changed your plans, but she saw you write the note to Charlie and that was enough to rush down here to stop you from making a huge mistake."

"Shit, the note to Charlie, I left it on the kitchen table for him to find it. He is going to know that I didn't take those Vicodin for the fun of it."

"The note has been taken care of Bella, Charlie will never know." Carlisle said. He looked like he wasn't sure that was the right thing to do however.

"Where were you?" I asked as Carlisle pulled off the sticky things attached to my chest. They must have been for the heart monitor cause as soon as they were off the monitor made a flat line.

Carlisle turned the machine off then sat on the edge of my bed. "We were in Alaska. At first just Alice was going to come. She didn't tell anyone what she had seen and she was just going to sneak off, but she slipped up and Edward saw her thoughts. He took off before anyone could stop him. Alice and I left just shortly after, the rest of the family is here now as well."

"Are you planning on staying?" I asked not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"Esme and I are. I am sure Alice and Jasper will as well." He said. He didn't mention the one person I wanted to know the most about. That probably meant he was going to leave again.

As if her were reading my mind Carlisle said, "Bella, I can't speak for Edward, but I want you to know that Esme and I are here for you. It was very hard on us to leave you behind, we think of you as a daughter. We regret ever leaving you and never should have listened to Edward, it was a mistake on my part and for that I am truly sorry."

"Thanks Carlisle. This is a lot for me to take in right now, I just need to go home and clear my head."

"Of course Bella. Go home and get some rest, you have been through a lot. Remember I am here for you though if you need to talk more."

Just then Charlie came in with a wheel chair. Carlisle tried to help me out of the bed but Charlie insisted he had me.

"I have a lot of respect for you Carlisle, but I want you all to stay away from Bella. She has been though enough thanks to your son, I don't want to see her get hurt again, I don't think I could stand watching her go through all that again." Charlie said as he set me into the wheel chair.

"As you wish Charlie." Was all Carlisle said.

Carlisle looked at me with compassion and sympathy, I couldn't stand it so I just looked away. Charlie wheeled me out of the room and out of the hospital. He awkwardly helped me into the cruiser and took me home. to my surprise my truck was in front of my house.

"Dad, how did you get my truck home?" I asked confused on why it was there.

"What do you mean Bells? It's been here the whole time. Where else would it be?" He asked looking confused.

"Oh I guess I am just out of it. I thought I had left it somewhere else." I said knowing exactly who brought it here.

"Bella, do you remember anything? The hiker found you just a little ways into the woods behind our house." Charlie said getting out of the car.

"Uh, it is still a bit fuzzy, I am sure it will all come back to me soon." As soon as I talk to Edward that is, I thought to myself.

Charlie helped me out of the cruiser and up to my room.

"Try to get some rest Bella ok." He said as he walked out of my room. Then he shut my door and left me to my thoughts. Thank God he is a man of little words. I really needed to be alone and didn't need him hovering me.

I hadn't realized I was still in the hospital gown. I must have forgotten to take it off with everything going on, how embarrassing. I decided I wanted to take a shower, I felt pretty funky and I wanted to get the hospital smell off me. I really hated the way the hospital smelled and I didn't want any reminders of being there.

I grabbed my bag of toiletries and headed to the bathroom, I turned on the water and made it as hot as I could stand it. I just stood there for a long time letting the hot water relax my muscles, while my mind whirled with thoughts and emotions.

The Cullen's were back, well at least Carlisle, Esme and maybe Alice and Jasper. Alice had been my best friend before they left, she didn't even call me or write to tell me goodbye or to let me know how she was doing. She hurt me too, not as much as Edward had, but that didn't matter, she was supposed to be my best friend and she just left me. I know she only did it for Edward, but it still hurt.

Carlisle had said that he and Esme thought of me as a daughter, but what did that matter if Edward didn't love me. I couldn't be around them without Edward, that would really hurt. Of course I still cared about the Cullen's even if they did leave me. They left me cause Edward had asked them too. They were a close family, of course they would have done as he asked.

What about Edward? Why would he be back here? Why would he care so much if I killed myself? He left me, he didn't want me anymore. He left me behind because he didn't love me, he was bored with me, I was just another boring insignifigant human.

I hated him for leaving me, I hated him for all the pain he caused me. He took everything with him when he left, my best friend, my family and my future. He left me in ruins. He needs to know what he did to me, he needs to understand that I am not going to allow him to do that to me again.

At this point I was so angry I was ready to tell him off. I wanted to tell him I hated him and that I never wanted to see him again. I wasn't going to put myself through this again, he did too much damage and he needed to hear it.

I had been so wrapped up in all my thoughts that I didn't notice the water turn cold. Cold, just like Edward. Just like the way he left me, cold and broken. I knew I needed to go see him so I hurried and washed up. I dried as fast as I could and ran to my room to throw and jeans and a t-shirt. I put on my shoes and ran a brush threw my hair, I put it up in a messy pony tail not caring that I looked like crap.

I ran down stairs planning not to say anything to Charlie, I didn't want him to try and stop me. Charlie was laying on the couch watching a game so I ran for the door and was outside before he even realized what I was doing. I decided to take my motorcycle, it would be faster just in case Charlie decided to try and follow me.

I was on it and heading down the driveway just as Charlie had stepped out side. I raced to the highway that would take me to the Cullen's house. Part of me hoped he would be there, while the other prayed he wouldn't be.

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	6. Chapter 6The Showdown

**_Ok this is a really long chapter. I hope I got it all right. Thanks for all the kind reviews and putting my story on your alerts! I really hope you like this chapter._**

**_Twilight belongs to SM!_**

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I pulled off the highway onto the Cullen's long drive. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating. Part of me was ready to turn around and go home, however I was pretty sure between Alice's visions and the sound of my bike they knew I was comming, so there was no point, I needed to get this over with.

Before I knew it the large white house stood in front of me, it was just the same as I had remembered it. I parked my bike, I had run out of the house so fast I didn't even grab my helmet or jacket. I was shaking and wasn't really sure what I was going to say.

Just as I had gotten off my bike, two stone arms wrapped around me almost knocking me to the ground.

"Oh Bella, thank God you are ok!. I am so sorry I left you. I never should have listened to that idiot brother of mine, he thought he was doing what was best for you, but obviously that wasn't the case."

"Alice, you are hurting me. Can you loosen up a bit please?" I asked trying to pry away.

"Oh, sorry Bella, I am just so excited to see you, and alive at that. I was so scared, what were you thinking trying to kill yourself? Do you know what that would have done to me, not to mention what it would have done to Edward?" Alice said as we walked to the porch.

"Alice, I am sure Edward wouldn't have cared much one way or the other." I said feeling the hole in my heart throb.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that Bella, anyway I promised Edward I wouldn't talk to you about him. He wants to talk to you himself." She said looking at me with her beautiful topaz eyes.

"Right, so he can tell me himself that he is leaving and doesn't want me." I said sarcastically trying to cover the pain in my voice.

"So, how is Charlie?" Alice asked trying to change the subject?

I don't know what I was expecting, but Alice hadn't changed one bit, she looked exactly the same as the day she left.

"Um, he is fine I guess. You know Charlie, goes to work, comes home and watch's the sports channel and goes fishing, that is his life."

"I missed you so much Bella, we have so much to catch up on. I told Edward that I wouldn't watch your future when we left, but I still sneaked in peeks when I could, then one day I just stopped seeing you. It was kind of weird actually." Alice said as she played with a piece of her short black hair. "I think it is just because I had been away from you for so long, I am not sure really, but then I got the vision of you trying to off your self. You still haven't told me what the hell you were thinking."

"Everything just hurt too much Alice. After Jake imprinted on Savannah, my heart just couldn't take it anymore, it was all too much." I said clutching my ribs.

"Yeah, Edward told me about you and Jacob Black awhile ago."

"Wait, awhile ago? How would he know about Jake and I. I just told him that today." I said looking at her for more answers.

"Oh, well I mean awhile ago today. He told me when he got back from seeing you." Alice said trying to back peddle.

"Alice, you are lying to me, tell me now what you really meant. How would Edward have known about Jake and I?" I said starting to get frustrated with her.

"No, I can't, I told Edward I would let him talk to you about everything. In fact he is coming out right now to rip me a new one. I made him let me talk to you first, I really did miss you Bella." She said grabbing my hand with her cold hand.

"Yeah, well you should have called me if you missed me, even a letter would have made me happy." I said with tears starting to burn in my eyes.

"I know, I am sorry, I really never should have listened to Edward. You are my best friend Bella, but he is my brother, I had to support his wishes. He thought it was best for you."

"Yeah, I keep hearing that. Obviously Edward doesn't know shit about what is best for me." Just as I said that, Edward opened the door to the house and stepped outside.

My heart started racing and I felt like turning and running away. I didn't know if I was really ready to face him, really ready to hear the truth about how much he didn't want me all over again. I took a deep breath while I continued to look into his eyes.

"I am going to go and let you two talk. I will be just in the house if you need me Bella, I really did miss you." Alice said as she flitted past Edward glaring at him.

Once she was inside Edward took a step towards me. I wanted to step towards him too, but instead, I took a step back. Edwards face looked hurt that I would step away from him, but then quickly returned to his normal cold façade.

"Hi." He said to me.

"Hi." I said back, not really knowing what else to say to him.

He took a deep unneeded breath. He looked even more nervous than I did. I decided to speak before he got the chance.

"Edward, I am going to spare you from having to break my heart again, I just can't take it again. I know you only came back here to save me for whatever reason, I am not sure, Maybe you feel guilty for leaving me two years ago, or maybe you feel sorry for me, but whatever it is, please spare me with any lies that you plan on telling me just because you think I am going to try to kill myself again. I just don't want to hear any of it." I said trying to sound confident.

"Bella, I don't plan on telling you any lies, anything I tell you will be all truth." He said as he took another step towards me.

"I don't want to hear any of it really. The only reason I came here was to tell you what you did to me when you left me. I think you need to hear how much you hurt me, then you can go back to your distractions and you won't have to worry about me anymore." I said, my heart was pounding so loudly in my ears, I was sure Edward could hear it. The whole house probably could hear it.

"Bella please, let me explain…." I cut him off before he could continue.

"No Edward, you need to hear this. When you left me, you left me broken, I was catatonic and I am really ashamed for the way I acted, but I loved you Edward. You were my whole life, I thought you felt the same for me till you dumped me and left me in the forest."

I took a deep shaky breath and saw him flinch at my words.

"For months I did nothing. I went to school and work, I didn't talk to anyone, came home and went to my room closing myself off to the world. The days couldn't go by fast enough. I tried hard not to think about you, not to remember how much I loved you. I tried to push you out of my mind, act like you never existed just as you had said, but I couldn't do that. My love for you was much too strong.

Then one day Charlie had enough of me acting like a zombie. I thought I had him fooled, I thought I had put on a good enough façade acting like I was fine, all the while dying inside, but I was wrong. He was ready to send me to live with my mom, that was enough to snap me out of it. That is when I started hanging out with Jacob, he was good to me, he helped me try to heal. I always called him my own personal sun. We became very close and even started dating, I loved Jake, but never with as much intensity as I loved you, but Jake wanted me even though I was broken because of you."

I saw Edward flinch again when I said that. Did you really think what he did wouldn't effect me?'

"As much as I cared for Jake and as happy as he made me, I still couldn't get over you. You were always in the back of my mind, always in my dreams, I still loved you. Jake knew that too, I thought I hid that well too, but I guess I really am a bad actress, but still Jake wanted me. Then he imprinted on that girl, and I lost him too. Everything came crashing down on me and I couldn't take it anymore. I figured I would put everyone including myself out of misery. I should have done it two years ago, I would have saved myself and everyone else a lot of pain." I finished, looking down at my feet. I was ashamed of everything I told him and I couldn't look into his eyes.

I finally looked up at Edward, he looked like he wanted to cry if he could.

"So now you know. I am going to leave you now to whatever it was you were doing before you had to come save the poor little pathetic human again. I am sorry you had to be bothered." I turned around and headed towards my bike.

" Is that your motorcycle?" He asked with what sounded like disgust in his voice.

"Yes, it is my motorcycle, what's it to you?" I snapped back turning to look back at him.

"Does Charlie know you ride that thing?" He asked looking at the motorcycle like it just committed a crime.

"Yes, Charlie knows about it. He wasn't happy at first but he saw how much I enjoyed riding it with Jake so he let me keep it."

"Do you know how dangerous those things are? Why aren't you wearing a helmet? Do you have a death…" He changed what he was going to say "Do you want to get hurt Bella?"

"If you must know I forgot to grab my helmet and jacket before I left the house. I didn't want Charlie to try to stop me from coming over here, so I just took off as fast as I could." I said

"First hanging out with wolves, now motorcycles. You really are a danger magnet. I really don't want you riding that thing. It isn't safe for you."

"For you information Edward." I said with as much spite as I could. "You gave up any right to tell me what I can and can't do the day you left me in the forest. You don't love me so it shouldn't matter what I do. I can manage on my own thank you very much." I was pissed now.

I turned back to my bike about to hop on when I felt a cold hand grab my arm.

"Let go of me Edward, I just want to go home. I told you everything I came to tell you so you can go on your way now. Please spare me the dramatics again." I said trying to yank my arm away from him without success.

Edward turned me to face him.

"Is it my turn to speak now, since you seem to have gotten everything off your chest?' He asked dazzling me with his butterscotch eyes.

I had to compose myself to be able to answer him. Two years later he could still dazzle me.

"I am sure whatever you have to say I don't want to hear it, now let me go." I said again trying to get away from him. Why did he have to be so damn strong?

"Bella, I love you! I am so sorry for leaving you, I never should have left you, it was the worst mistake I have ever made in my existence. I thought I was doing what was right for you, I thought I was keeping you safe, I can see now how wrong I was. I thought I was leaving you for your own good."

"Keeping me safe? From what, you Edward? You were trying to protect me from you for my own good. Please Edward, spare me. You left me cause you got bored of me, you didn't want me any more. That's what you told me remember?" I asked with such rage. I was angry at him for continuing to tell me lies over and over again.

"They were lies Bella, I lied to you that day. I didn't mean any of what I told you, I didn't think you were actually going to believe them after all the times I told you how much I loved you and needed you in my life."

"Edward, you told me you didn't want me, you said I was no good for you. You left in there in the fucking forest broken over you! How was I not to believe you? You made it very obvious you wanted nothing to do with me ever again, you said you would never come back here and do this to me again, yet here you are standing there telling me they were all lies." I screamed at him

"When I told you I didn't love you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy. Bella, I thought it was for you own good, I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I didn't want to keep putting you in danger because of what I am. I am sorry for all the lies Bella, I never thought you would really believe them." He said calmly

"How could I not believe them Edward? You were so detached, I saw nothing in your eyes. How could I think they were nothing but the truth. You left me. How many times do I have to say it before you understand what you did to me." I continued yelling.

I saw his family come out onto the porch to see what all the yelling was about. Great now I had an audience.

"Edward, just let me go, I can't do this right now."

"No Bella, not till you understand why I did what I did…

"Oh, I understand why you did what you did just fine." I interrupted him. "You thought you were doing me a favor, keeping me safe or whatever. That pisses me off even more. Don't I have a say in what is good for me? Huh Edward, cause really I don't think you leaving me was what was best for me, what do you think?" I asked tears streaming down my face.

"No, it wasn't, I….

"Don't you dare tell me you are sorry again, I have heard it enough from you. Telling me you are sorry doesn't change what you did Edward, it doesn't change how you treated me. God, I want to hate you so bad for doing this to me, but I can't. I love you too fucking much. Do you know how often I prayed you would come back to me? Now that you are here I don't even want to see you. You wasted two years of my life with these lies and now you think you can come back and apologize and think I am going to come running back into your arms."

"Bella, please don't do this. I hate myself for what I did to you. I am sorry I was so cold to you when I left. I am a really good liar. I had to be, you weren't going to let me go, I felt it was the only way for you to really believe me. I thought it was going to be harder to convince you after all the times I told you I loved you. I thought you were going to put up a bigger fight, I had to act cold, but I never meant to act so cold that you would believe I didn't love you. I am sorry for what I am, I am sorry for being a monster, please forgive me Bella, please." Edward sobbed.

"How could I not believe you, you told me you didn't want me anymore? You didn't want me to come with you. Do you know how that made me feel? I felt worthless because you didn't want me. Only now to find out it was all lies. I was miserable because of you." I was shaking at this point. I slumped down onto the ground pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

"I was miserable too without you. The last two years has been the most excruciating time of my existence. You can even ask my family. I was unbearable to live with. Without you Bella, life meant nothing to me." He said kneeling in front of me.

"If you were so miserable then why didn't you come back. Why did you stay away?" I asked

"I did come back. About 10 months after I left I came to check on you. I had to see you, I was so depressed. You are like a drug to me, I had to get that one little hit of my Bella. You were the only antidote that got me by, knowing you are out there somewhere and possibly happy. I had to see you though, I told myself if you were happy I was just going to leave you alone and never come back to Forks again." He said staring deep into my eyes forcing me to believe every word he said.

"I watched you for a few days, I followed you and just stayed hidden in the woods, then I saw you with Jacob. You looked happy and you seemed to be going on with your life like I hoped you would. It still killed me though, seeing you with him. I was jealous beyond belief, it took everything I had to not come talk to you. I wanted to ask you to forgive me and to beg you to take me back. I made a promise however that I would leave you alone if you were happy and you seemed to be."

"You were here, in Forks?" I asked speechless.

"Yes, I couldn't stay away from you, but I wasn't going to come back into your life and upset you all over again."

"So if Alice would have never seen me try to kill myself, you wouldn't have come back now?"

"No, probably not." He said looking away from me for the first time.

"So you only came back to stop me from killing myself? Well you did your job, I am sure you are itching to leave now." I said coldly.

"Bella, didn't you just hear a word I said…." Before he finished he snapped his head to look at Alice on the porch.

"Bella, did you tell Charlie where you were going?" Alice asked.

"No, I just ran out the door and took off. Why?"

"Because he is about to pull up to check if you are here." Edward said standing up.

"Shit." I said also standing up.

Just as I got to my feet Charlie pulled up in the cruiser not looking to happy.

"This isn't going to go well." I said. "Charlie really hates you for leaving me and hurting me so bad."

Charlie got out of the car looking like he was about to explode.

"Bella, get into the car now!" He said sternly.

"Dad, I brought my bike, I will just ride it home." I said pointing to the motorcycle.

"No, I will put it in the trunk. You are riding home with me, now get in the car." He said this, the whole time starring Edward down.

"Chief Swan, Bella just came over to talk.." Edward started to say before Charlie cut him off.

"I want you to stay away from Bella do you understand me?"

"Dad, I came here on my own today. I needed to talk to Edward before he left again." I said looking at Edward.

"Are you guys leaving again Edward?" Charlie asked looking hopeful.

"No Sir we are here to stay." Edward said looking at me.

"Stay away from Bella do you understand me. I don't want you hurting her any more than you have. You have done enough damage to her." Charlie said turning back to me.

"Jacob is waiting for you at the house. You do remember him right, your boyfriend."

"What, why is Jacob there?" I asked.

"I called Billy to tell him you were home from the hospital. I am sure Jake is worried about you and came to check on you. I didn't tell him where I thought you were though. No need to upset him." Charlie said.

"Dad, Jake broke up with me. He told me he met his soul mate. We aren't together anymore. So I really don't care if he knows where I am."

"What, that is nonsense, Jake loves you." Charlie said confused.

"No Dad, Jake loved me, now he loves Savannah. He is with her now." I said about to break down again.

Edward saw how upset I was and started to put his hand on my shoulder but quickly stopped when Charlie glared at him.

"Bella, regardless you are coming home right now. Maybe Jake wants to be with you again. Now lets not keep him waiting."

I really hated Charlie telling me what to do, but I was more than relieved to get away from here. I needed to think long and hard. I needed to figure out how I felt about Edward and everything he just told me.

I looked up at the Cullen family standing on the porch. They all looked like they were attending someone's funeral. They all looked sad and heart broken. I met Esme's eyes. She mouthed the words "I'm sorry," to me. My heart sank even more. I looked away and headed to Charlie's cruiser. I turned to look at Edward one more time. He was so beautiful standing there, even with his eyes holding so much agony.

"Just go Bella. Think about what I told you and remember everything I said before were lies" He said with a voice full of love.

I got into the car and waited while Charlie loaded my motorcycle into the trunk, it just barley fit.

He got in without another word to Edward or any of the Cullen's.

Once we were on the main highway he started drilling me with questions. He wanted to know why they were back, what Edward had said to me, and if I planned on trying to see him again.

I told him I didn't want to talk about it. I had to figure out what to say to Jake, I wasn't even sure why he wanted to see me. I am surprised he was able to tear himself away from his precious imprint. All I could think about was Edward though and everything he just said to me.

We pulled up to the house much faster than I would have liked. I got out of the car and walked towards the house. Now it was time to face Jake.

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	7. Chapter 7Losing it

**_Here is chapter 7. Hope you like. I feel like I have writers block. LOL I had a heard time getting this where I wanted it._**

**_Thank you all for all your kind reviews. I am so glad you all are liking this story so far. Keep up the reviews. It keeps me motivated._**

**_These character don't belong to me sadly._**

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I saw Jake walk out of the house. I took a deep breath to calm myself. This has been a very long day.

"Hey Bells, Hi Charlie." Jake said as he walked towards us.

"Jake, Bella has been through a lot today, you be easy on her do you understand me?" Charlie said sternly as he walked in the house.

"Yes Sir." Jake said politely.

Charlie shut the door behind him and I was left to face Jake by myself. I wasn't sure what to say to him. Should I tell him the Cullen's are back? Do I tell him I tried to kill myself? How much did he already know?

I barely got all my thoughts out when Jake spoke. "So Bells, Billy told me that you were in the hospital for taking to many pills and drinking, is that true?"

"Yes." Was I could get out while I stared at my feet. I couldn't look at him. I was ashamed of myself for doing what I did, but I also knew how much it would hurt if I did look at him.

"Why would you do that Bella? That isn't like you, I know you better then that. Were you trying to hurt yourself?"

Of course he knew me better than anyone else knew me. I am sure he would see right through me if I tried to lie, so I decided to be honest with him.

"Yes Jake, I was trying to kill myself. Does that make you happy?" I said looking him straight in the eye. Of course it hurt just like I knew it would to look him in the eyes, but I tried to hide it the best I could so he wouldn't see it.

"Why the hell would that make me happy Bella? Why would you do that, are you crazy. Do you know what that would do to me? Do you know how much that would kill Charlie. Why would you do that to us?" Jake asked trying to control his shaking.

"What I would do to you? Are you serious Jake? Do you know what you did to me, do you? So why should I care what I would do to you. Edward may have broken me, but you finished me off. There is only so much heart break I can take in one life time and I had it all." I was screaming now, shaking and trying to keep the tears from falling. Who cares what I would do to him. Of course I cared about Charlie but he would have been better off without having to worry about me.

"Speaking of Edward, your house reeks of vampire. Come to think about it." He paused took a big sniff towards me, then continued. "You stink of leeches too. Is there something you want to tell me Bella?"

"No Jake, not really. It is none of your business. You lost any right to me when you imprinted and left me for that girl! Who or what I smell like is none of your business." I told him the same way I told Edward he had no right as well.

"I think I have a right to know if the bloodsuckers are back. I need to tell the rest of the pack, they have to know too. We will have to pull back to the treaty line. This changes everything. We have to be more alert and we have to protect the tribe."

"Protect the tribe from who, the Cullen's? Please Jake, you know as well as I do they are harmless. Well except for breaking hearts."

"Are you taking him back?" Jake simply asked. I could see the pain in his eyes at the thought of me with Edward, but really it didn't matter. He left me for another girl. I don't care if it was cause he imprinted or not, it still hurt.

"That is none of your business Jake." I said. I had no idea what I planned to do. I know Edward said he loved me, but I didn't know if I even believed him. I don't know if I could ever trust him again. I had a lot to think about.

"Bella, I care about you. I don't want to see you get hurt again. He left you once, he can do it again. Then what will you do, try and kill yourself again?" Jake asked me critically.

"Jake, you hurt me too. Maybe not as bad as Edward had when he left, but on top of what Edward did it destroyed what heart I had left. You have know right to talk to me and be critical of me, you left me too. I don't have you any more either, I have no one." I said tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Bella, I am still here. I am still your best friend. I will always be here for you and I will always love you. Maybe not how I loved you before, but I still love you. I am sorry for everything I have done to you, I am sorry for hurting you and having to break your heart. That was the last thing I ever wanted to do to you. I am sorry that this is who I am. I still want you in my life Bella. I can't not have you in my life. I need you just as much as you need me." Jake said walking towards me.

"I am so sick of hearing everyone apologizing about who they are. Who you are is no reason to break my heart Jake. Who you are has nothing to do with this. You dumped me for another girl. You let this happen. I can't just sit around watching you with someone else, I can't be you best friend. It just hurts to much and I can't do that to myself any more. I am sorry Jake, but I just don't think I can be in your life. Not right now. It is just too painful. I am sorry too." I said taking a step backwards towards the back yard away from Jake. I was trying hard not to lose it in front of Jake. I didn't want him to see me like that. I would wait till I was up in my room alone to let everything out.

"What are you saying Bella, you don't want to see me anymore? Because we can't be together you would simply rather not have me in you life at all, is that what you really want, never to see me again? Jake said tearing up.

It hurt me to know I was hurting him, but I had to do what was best for me right now. I had to move on and I couldn't if Jake was going to be in my life."

All I could say was "Yes."

"So what, you are going to go back to your bloodsucker? Have him change you to be just like him, a leech. Is that what you are going to do Bella?"

"Yeah Jake, maybe I will just to piss you off. What do you think about that?"

"If you become like him it will be as though you died to me Bella. I would rather you just die then have you be a bloodsucker. Oh and of course you can't forget the treaty. If they turn you into a leech, they have broken the treaty and the pact will be broken with the Cullen's." Jake said visibly shaking. He took another step towards me and I again took a step back close to the back yard. I knew he was going to lose his control soon, but I didn't care I was angry.

"Well Jake, I am sorry I disappointed you today when you found out I failed at killing myself. I know how much you were looking forward to not having me to worry about any more. Trust me I tried to kill myself correctly, but apparently I just suck at everything I do. Maybe tonight I will try again, maybe I will succeed or maybe I will call my leech friends and have them just do the job for me. They don't need to even change me. I'll just take death at this point put me out of my misery. How about that Jake, then you won't have to wish I were dead, I really would be." I felt like I was going to collapse. I was so hurt and angry. I hated Jake so much at that moment. I wanted to scream, I wanted to run and never look back. I noticed Jake and he was shaking even harder than I thought possible. I knew he was going to phase if he didn't calm down, I didn't care. He started backing up towards the forest and this time I followed him. I had more to say.

"You dumped me Jake, and no matter what I chose to do with my life from here on out, you have no say in it. If I want to be a vampire, than I will be a vampire. If I decided to become a witch or join the NRA or jump off a cliff or date Satan himself, you can never tell me I can't." I knew I was pushing Jake over the edge and I new I should back off but I don't know what came over me. He had pushed me over the edge and now he was going to hear it. I took another step closer.

"I am so sick of everyone thinking they have some claim on Bella. No one owns me and no one has any right to tell me what to do anymore. Not even Charlie and especially not you Jacob Black. So if you would rather I am dead fine, think of me as dead. Don't bother to ever call me, write me or try to see me again. I never want to see you again. You don't have to worry about me any more. So go on and live your happily ever after with Savannah. I will be dead to you since you would rather have it that way ." We were to the forest line and I could tell Jake was about to phase.

I didn't hear anyone approach so when He spoke I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Bella, back up slowly and go into the house now.' Edward said pushing me behind him.

I stood there stunned not knowing what to say.

"Now!" Edward growled.

"No! I am not going anywhere." I said. I was so sick of everyone telling me what to do.

"What the hell are you doing here leech?" Jacob said trying to control his shaking.

"Jacob, you need to leave now before you hurt Bella. Don't do anything stupid. Go and try to calm down now." Edward said. He was in a protective crouch in front of me. I was still stunned that he was here. Why was he here?

"I would never hurt Bella." Jake managed to get out. He wasn't calming down at all however and I knew it was just a matter of time before he phased. I was afraid he and Edward were going to get in a fight and I knew that wouldn't be good.

"It seems you already have Jake" Edward said with a sneer.

"Jake, just go." I said trying to keep my voice steady. "Go calm down, we can talk about this later."

"Oh and just leave you here with the bloodsucker. Like that is any safer. Do you know what you did to her when you left leech?" Jake said looking Edward dead in the eyes. Edward staggered backwards and I could see the pain in his face.

"Jake stop doing that to Edward now. This isn't about him right now, it is about you and I." I said walking towards him. I knew he had just remembered the pain he saw me in after Edward left so that Edward would see it too in Jakes thoughts.

"Bella, get back behind me now." Edward demanded.

"Oh shut up Edward, Jake wouldn't hurt me. Well not physically at least." I said walking closer to Jake. "Please Jake, just go home and calm down. A lot was said that we really didn't mean."

"Oh well it seems Jake here meant everything he said." Edward said in a growl.

That set Jake off and he started to phase. He lost all control. Edward was about to pounce but before I knew it 3 massive werewolves came through the trees and knocked Jake to the ground. Edward jumped in front of me again pushing me back behind him. The wolves dragged Jake into the forest. He thrashing and fighting them the whole time until I couldn't see them any more. They were gone, all I could hear were growls and snaps fading as the disappeared.

I was afraid someone was going to get hurt. I didn't know what to do, I was frozen in the spot I stood unable to move. I was shaking and sobbing. I felt my legs give out from beneath me. Before I could hit the ground two strong arms wrapped around my waste to support me.

I looked over and saw Edward looking at me while supporting my weight. Why was he here anyway?

"Bella, are you ok?" Edward asked his gold eyes burning into mine.

"Yeah, I am fine. What are you doing here?"

"Alice said your future disappeared and was afraid that you did something stupid again. I wanted to make sure you were ok. It appears however, that Alice just can't see the wolves. That explains a lot." He said with half a grin on his face as though something amused him. I didn't get it.

"What do you mean my future disappeared?" I asked "Why can't she see the wolves?"

"Well my theory is, and I am sure Carlisle will have one as well, but I believe it is because they are too unstable, too unpredictable. Their futures can change so quickly so it is hard to know what they are going to do and when you are with them, she can't see you either."

"Oh." Was all I managed to say.

"You should go inside. Charlie is wondering where you are. I don't think if he would be too happy if he were to come out here right now and find me here." Edward said with his crooked grin. It still didn't reach his eyes though. He was still looking at with his beautiful molten gold eyes. I still couldn't believe here was here, but I had a lot I had to think about. I wasn't sure what I planned to do about him. I needed to be alone.

Once I regained my composure I spoke. "Right, I am pretty tried anyway. I think I am going to go to bed early. It has been a very long day.

"That sounds like a good idea." Edward said walking me towards my house. "Bella, before you go, I want you to know I am sorry for everything I did to you. I am sorry for hurting it. It was the worst mistake of my existence to leave you. I hope that you can forgive."

I just shook my head yes not promising anything and headed towards the front door.

"Oh and Bella, I love you." Edward said then disappeared behind my house before I could say anything.

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	8. Chapter 8 Ultimatums

**_OK here is chapter 8. I like this chapter. HeeHee. I hope you do too. Thanks for all the kind reviews. You are all very sweet._**

**_As always, I own nothing. I sure wish i did though._**

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I walked into the house and Charlie was laying on the couch asleep. No wonder he didn't hear any of that. He was out to the world. I didn't want to wake him, for one I didn't want to answer any of his questions and also, I am sure he really hadn't got much sleep lately, so I just headed straight up to my room.

I noticed once I got into my room that the sun was starting to set. I kicked off my shoes and just crawled into bed. I didn't even have the energy to change my clothes. I was very tired, but I also had so much I needed to think about.

So much happened today I don't even know where to begin. My thoughts were spinning so fast in my head I couldn't sort them fast enough. First, I tried and failed at killing myself. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, especially knowing Edward and the rest of the Cullen's were back. How did I feel about them being back? I got butterflies in my stomach just thinking about Edward. I did love him so much still, that hasn't changed in the last two years. I just wasn't sure if I could trust him.

I wanted to trust him. There was a big part of me that wanted everything to just go right back to the way it was before he left, but would it ever be the same? Would I ever fully trust him with my whole heart again? I was so angry with him for putting me through that all for the sake of trying to protect me. If that is true that changes everything I had been thinking over the last two years.

When Edward left, I was under the impression that he left because he no longer loved me. He told me he didn't want me any more and I believed he was bored with me. Now he says that those were all lies only to protect me from what he was. Again with blaming everything on what he was. I was really getting annoyed with that.

I knew I still loved Edward, I knew I wanted to forgive him more than anything, but there were things standing in the way. He was still a vampire and I was still a weak human. If Edward wanted to be with me again, he would have to change me. I wasn't going to let him back in my life, back into my heart knowing he could leave me again to keep me safe, I wouldn't allow that. He would have to change me.

I wonder if he would go for that? He wouldn't like that ultimatum too much but if he truly loved me and wanted me, this is something he would do.

I continued thinking for a little bit longer. I planned on going to the Cullen's house in the morning to talk to Edward. I knew I loved him and now that he was back, as much as I hated him for leaving, I loved him even more and I couldn't lose him again. Besides, he said he loved me too. With that last thought I drifted off to sleep.

***************

I woke up with a start. It was really dark in my room and I couldn't see anything. I wasn't sure what woke me but I had a feeling I wasn't alone. I reached over to turn on my bedside light when I heard his voice.

"Bella, it is just me. I am sorry to have woken you, I just missed watching you sleep. I was going to leave before you woke up. I really am sorry." Edwards velvet voice said. My eyes hadn't adjusted and I still couldn't see him.

"I will just go now, go back to sleep Bella."

"Edward, wait. Please don't go." I said as I turned on the light.

Edward was standing next to the window. He looked breath taking standing there. I really had missed him.

I sat up and I patted on my bed telling Edward to sit with me.

He sat down next to me on my bed. It took me a minute to collect my thoughts, I just couldn't believe that he was here.

"Alice said you were going to come over in the morning. She said you wanted to talk to me, but that was all she would say. I was hoping maybe you would be sleep talking and I could get something out of you that way so I wouldn't have to wait till morning." He said running his hand through his hair nervously.

I blushed of course at the mention of me sleep talking and looked down away from his gaze.

"Yes, Alice was correct, I was going to come see you in the morning to talk to you, but I am glad you are here now."

"Bella, I want to apologize to you for everything I did." He started to say.

I cut him off. "Edward, I don't want to hear it. I don't need to hear any more apologizes. I am done with them. I have made my decision and that is all there is too it. "

"Oh, I see. Well I better let you get back to sleep then. I won't bother you any more." Edward said as he started to get up off the bed.

"Edward, sit back down please and just let me talk." I demanded.

"Oh, ok I am sorry." He sat back down on the bed.

"Seriously, stop apologizing--for everything. Edward, I forgive and I love you too, I always have and I don't think that I ever will stop."

"Really, so will you take me back? Please Bella, tell me you will have me, I want you to be mine again, I can't live without you, I need you Bella, you mean everything to me. These last two years have literally been hell for me and for my family. They all miss you too, but I have missed you the most. I will never hurt you again if you will please take me back." Edward said pleading. I almost thought he was going to drop to his knees and beg me. That would have gotten interesting.

"Edward, I can't live without you. I have tried to living without you these last two years and I was miserable. I can't go through that again, I have to know that you will never leave me again for my own good. I need some guarantee's." I said looking deep into his eyes.

"Anything Bella. I will do anything for you."

"Change me Edward. I want to be like you. It is the only way we will ever work."

"Absolutely not! I will not do that to you. I am not going to kill you Bella." He got up and started pacing the room.

"It is the only way Edward and you know it. It is the only way for us to be together. I am to fragile as a human and you know it. You wouldn't have to worry about me anymore if I was like you." I argued.

"Bella, I can't, I won't do that to you." He said not even stopping to look at me.

"Then I am sorry Edward, then we can't be together." I said tears starting to flow.

"So that's it, change you or nothing?"

"Yes." was all I can say.

He paced back and forth for what seemed like forever. Thinking I am sure about what to do.

"Get up, put your shoes on." Edward said throwing my shoes at me.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I put them on.

"Back to my house." He said as he pulled me onto his back the way he used to carry me when he ran with me.

"Why?" I asked

"You will find out soon enough." He jumped out my window and started running towards his house. It was a nice night, not too cool. It felt good to be running with Edward again, I really did miss this.

We got to his house faster then I ever remembered it taking. He helped me off his back and opened the door for me. None of the other Cullen's were around. He led me up stairs to his room. I was surprised when I walked in and all his stuff was there like he never left. These vampires never ceased to amaze me.

Edward walked to his closet and pulled something out. I couldn't see what it was. He came back over to me and stood right in front of me looking down into my eyes, mesmerizing me with his butterscotch eyes.

"So you will only take me back if I change you, is that correct?" He asked.

"Yes, that is correct." I was clearly confused at where he was going with this. Was he going to change me right here, right now?

"Fine, I will change you, but I have one request first." He said with a huge grin forming on his face.

"Ok, what's your request?" I asked nervously. I couldn't imagine what he would want from me.

Edward got down on one knee. He looked up into my eyes and pulled out what he had gotten from the closet.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife for the rest of eternity?" He looking intently into my eyes as he dazzled me with his own eyes. I was shocked and didn't know what to say. We looked at each other for a long minute. I knew what it was like to live without him and I never wanted to have to go through that again. If marrying Edward meant I got to spend the rest of eternity with him I would do it.

"Yes, I will marry you Edward." I said with tears streaming down my face.

I heard an excited squeal from somewhere in the house I knew was Alice.

Edward stood up and put the ring on my finger. It was beautiful. So intricate with gold and diamonds. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, next to Edward of course.

"The ring was my mothers that I had inherited after she died. I have several pieces from her that I would love for you to have. I have given some to Esme and Alice already, but I want you to have the rest if you would like." He said pulling me into his arms.

"Edward it is beautiful, thank you. I love you so much, I am so happy you came back to me. Thank you for saving me again." I said though sobs. I laid my head on Edwards cold chest. Everything felt perfect at that moment.

"I should have never left. I am so sorry Bella, I don't know how, but somehow I will make it all up to you." He said stroking my hair.

"Edward, you just did make it up to me. I will never forget this moment. I can't wait to spend eternity with you."

"Come on, lets go tell the family the good news, they are going to be thrilled to have you join the family Bella."

"Just one thing first." I stood up on my tip toes so my lips were even with his. Before I got the chance to lay my lips on his, he had his on my ravishing them as he never had before. I twisted my hands into his hair, running my tongue over his cool smooth lips. He opened his mouth slightly and let me gain access. I took in every bit of him devouring him as he did me. I never wanted to stop kissing him. It had been too long since I had him in my arms. He was mine again and I never wanted to let go. Sooner than I would have liked however, Edward pulled away leaving me gasping for air.

"Come on love, lets not get too carried away yet, we have all eternity for that. The family is waiting for us downstairs." He picked me up and cradled me bridal style and took me down stairs where the family was waiting with huge grins on their faces. I looked up at Edward and he too and the biggest smile I had ever seen on him. I couldn't help but laugh.

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	9. Chapter 9

**_OK it is getting here is chapter 9. I hope you like it. Man this writing stuff isn't easy. I want to say thank you for all of your sweet reviews. They make me feel so good. I am glad you are liking it so far. I also want to apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors. I tried to catch them all but I am sure I probably missed a few._**

**_I don't own twilight_**

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Edward sat down on the couch next to Alice and pulled me onto his lap.

"So, come on tell us the good news already." Alice said bouncing up and down in her seat clapping her hands.

"Bella, has agreed to become my wife. She has forgiven me easier then I thought possible and for some reason still loves me and well you all know how much I love her and can't live without her." Edward said weaving his fingers between mine.

"I agreed to marry Edward on one condition however." I took a deep breath and looked around the room at all the smiling faces of my future family. "Well it was Edwards condition actually. I told Edward I wanted him to change me. I can't be with Edward and stay human. It isn't safe for you guys and I can't lose Edward again, so I agreed to marry him."

"Bella is right. I can't live without her again either. I wish there was some other way, I hate to have to do this to her, I feel like I am being so selfish." Edward squeezed my hands lightly. I knew this was hard for him, but I am glad he felt this was best for us as well.

"We are so happy for you Son, I really think you are making the right decision. Bella has always been part of this family, but now you will make it official." Carlisle said walking over to us. Edward and I stood up and Carlisle gave us both a hug followed by the rest of the family coming over to give us a hug and congratulate us as well.

"Welcome to the family sis!" Emmett said pulling me into a big bear hug. "I am so glad you decided to forgive my idiot of a brother. Things just weren't as fun without you around."

"Emmett, can you please let go of my fiancée. I am sure you are cutting off her circulation." Edward said. He was still holding my hand even through all of the hugs.

"So Bella, we have so much to discuss and plan for the wedding, when would you like to have it?" Alice asked grabbing the hand Edward wasn't holding.

Before I could say anything Edward was already answering the question. "As soon as possible. Once we are married I will change her."

"Wait, I didn't agree to that." I said turning to look at him. "I want to be changed first. It is safer that way."

"Bella, we are going to have to leave once we change you, or shortly before. Don't you want to have your family attend our wedding? If I change you first, they won't be able to come, you aren't going to be allowed to be near humans for awhile love." Edward said kissing me on the forehead.

"But…" Was all I could get out before Rosalie interrupted.

"Bella, Edward is right, this is one human experience you don't want to miss. Please take it from me. We will have the wedding as soon as possible then Edward can change you." I could tell I wasn't the only one shocked by what Rosalie just said, all of the Cullen's were looking at her. Rosalie never hid her distaste for me.

"Oh give me a break guys. I am not that big of a heatless bitch, I saw what it did to Edward to be away from Bella. I don't want to have to endure that again. Besides Bella, your wedding day will be one of the most important day's of your life, you are going to want everyone you love to be there." Rosalie came over and gave me a hug.

"Welcome to the family Bella. I am sorry for how I treated you in the past. I can see now that this family really does need you in it." She said as she looked at me with her beautiful honey eyes.

"Of course Rosalie, I forgive you." I said. Edward pulled me back down onto his lap from where he had sat down on the couch.

"Fine Edward, you win, I will marry you first. But I want to get married as soon as possible and I want it to be small and intimate, nothing over the top or fancy." I said with a sigh.

"Anything for you love." Edward replied into my hair.

"Bella, can I have a small favor?" Alice asked in a tiny voice.

"Of course Alice, what is it?" I asked looking at the little pixie sitting next to me. Her face lit up and I knew I was about to regret agreeing to do Alice's favor.

"Can I help you plan your wedding Bella. I promise not to go over bored and I will do everything the way you want it. Oh please, oh please, oh please!" She begged giving me the sad puppy dog expression.

"Of course Alice, you know I couldn't do it without your help. I hope that Esme and Rosalie would like to help too." I looked over at both Esme and Rosalie. Rosalie smiled at me sincerely and shook her head yes.

"Of course dear, we would love to help you with your special day." Esme said. She was always so tender and loving to me.

"I have a favor too then." I said. "Alice would you like to be my Maid of Honor?"

"Oh Bella, I didn't see that coming. I would be honored to be your Maid of Honor. Thank you, I promise you won't regret it." She said jumping up and down excitedly. Jasper had been pretty quiet the whole time. I caught his eyes and he mouthed the word "Thank you." to me. I just smiled back to him. Seeing how happy his wife was made him that much more happy.

"Rosalie, I will need a bridesmaid as well. Would you like to be one?" I asked looking over at Rosalie nervously.

Her whole face lit up with a smile. "Of course Bella, I would love to." She said.

"Come on Rose, lets go design our dresses." Alice said jumping off the couch and heading up the stairs. Rosalie was right behind her as they disappeared up stairs.

"Come on love, we should get you home before Charlie wakes up." Edward said helping me off the couch.

"Yeah, you are probably right. We don't need him showing up here again making a scene. It is going to be a big enough scene telling him we are getting married. He is not going to be too happy about this you know that right." I said wrapping my arms around Edwards neck.

"No, I am sure he won't take it well, but he loves you and just wants you to be happy. He will come around."

"I hope so." Was all I could say.

I said goodbye to the rest of the family promising I would be over later. Edward insisted it wouldn't be until after I got some sleep. How could I sleep now, I was too excited about everything.

Edward helped me onto his back and we were gone flying through the forest before I knew it. We got back to my house and he helped me back through my bedroom window.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked Edward.

"Of course Bella, I never want to have to leave you again. Now change into your pajamas and get into bed Charlie with be getting up soon and he will probably be coming into check on you with everything that has gone on the last couple of days."

I pulled out my pajamas and changed into them. I didn't care that Edward was in the room with me. He was going to be my husband there was no need to be shy. I looked up at Edward as he watched me change. He was looking at me like I was a goddess. I couldn't help but blush.

"Don't be embarrassed love, you are beautiful." He said pulling me into his arms.

I couldn't say anything, I was still blushing. He leaned in and started to kiss me. I twisted my fingers through his hair and hugged my body closer into his. His tongue traced my lips as they parted. I wrapped my legs around his hips and he easily supported my weight. His lips moved over mine with urgency. He laid me on my bed so that he was on top of me, he was supporting his weight with his hands. I let one of my hands leave his hair to trace along the hem of his shirt. I slowly started pulling his shirt up his torso and over his head, he didn't stop me. I put my hand on his cold smooth chest. His lips left mine and he laid kisses all along my jaw line down my neck. We were both breathing heavy, and I could tell he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

All of a sudden Edwards head snapped up and looked at the door.

"Shit." He said. "Pretend to be asleep." Then he disappeared somewhere in the dark room.

I rolled over on to my side trying to calm my breathing. I knew Charlie was about to open my door to check on me. He would get a little suspicious if I was breathing erratically like I was. I managed to calm myself down just as he opened the door. Once he was satisfied that I was still in my bed, he shut the door and I heard him head to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for work. Edward was by my side a split second later. It really annoyed me that Charlie still felt the need to come check on me at night. I am twenty years old for crying out loud. However I am sure my behavior lately is what provoked his need to make sure I was still in my bed, but it still bothered me.

I rolled over right into Edwards waiting arms. "So where were we?" I asked.

"You, my love, were about to go to sleep. You have had a long day and you really need to get some sleep."

I tried to protest but he didn't budge, instead he started humming my lullaby. I was out a minute later.

*************

I woke up the next day still in Edwards arms. I let out a big yawn and stretched.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Two p.m." Edward answered pulling me tighter to him.

"Edward, why did you let me sleep so long. I have wasted the whole day."

"You needed your sleep Bella, you have been through a lot the last few days, I wasn't going to wake you." He said getting out of the bed. "Come on lets get you something to eat, you stomach as been growling for hours. When was the last time you ate?"

Come to think about it, I wasn't sure when I ate last. I don't think I had really eaten anything since the bonfire.

"Um, it has been a few days." I admitted embarrassedly.

Edward pulled me up from the bed and cradled me into his arms. Before I knew it he placed me in a chair at the kitchen table.

"So, what does my Bella want to eat?" Edward asked opening up the fridge.

"Edward, I will make something for myself, I know how much human food disgusts you." I said standing up.

"Bella, I don't mind, you are worth it."

"I know, but really I can make myself something to eat, don't worry about it." I said stretching to give him a kiss.

"Fine, but I want to cook for you before you before you are changed."

I decided to cook up some eggs for myself. Edward just leaned against the counter watching me as I worked.

We both sat down at the table and I dug in, I was famished. We sat in silence while I devoured my food. When I was done Edward took my plate for me and got the pop tarts out of the cupboard.

"Would you like me to put these in the toaster for you or would you rather eat them as is?" Edward asked with a small smirk on his face.

"I will just eat them as is. Thank you" I said and Edward placed two pop tarts in front of me.

"You shouldn't go so long without eating love. It isn't good for you."

I just looked at him and took a big bite of my pop tart.

"Edward, there is something I need to ask you."

"What is it love?" He asked puzzled.

I sat there for a minute looking at my pop tart trying to figure out how to phrase my question. Edward sighed and I knew he was getting frustrated not being able to read my mind.

"Well, Jacob said something that has me a little concerned." I said looking up at Edward trying to read his face.

"Ok, what did he say?"

"Well, he said that if you turn me, that the treaty will be broken, what is the treaty?"

Edward looked at me for a long second then sighed. He knew he had to tell me.

"My family and I lived in this area many years ago. This was before Alice and Jasper had joined us. We were hunting when we ran into some members of the Quileute tribe. We convinced them that we were not a threat to their tribe, they agreed to leave us alone as long as we agreed to a treaty. Of course we did, part of the treaty was that we would never bite another human again, and we would stay of Quileute land. If we didn't the treaty would be broken."

"Ok, but you agreed to change me, how is that going to work?" I asked

"I still have to work out all the details with Carlisle, but we will probably leave never able to return to Forks." He said grabbing my hand. "That is one reason why we want you to have your wedding day when you are still human."

"Oh, I see" I said looking down at the table. I knew I was going to have to leave my family behind, but to know that I was never going to be able to see them again made me a little sad.

"Are you ok Bella?" Edward asked me pulling my chin up so my eyes met his.

"Yes, I am fine, this is all happening so fast. I just need some time to get used to it all."

"Why don't you go take a shower and take some time for yourself. I need to go talk to Carlisle about a few things and I will be back before you notice I am gone."

I wasn't thrilled with Edward leaving, but I did want to go take a shower and freshen up. Besides this would give me a chance to think about everything that was going to happen.

"Fine go." I said. "But hurry back."

"I will love. If you need me just call and I will be here before you know it."

Edward stood up and leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on my lips, then was out the door.

I went up to my room to get my toiletries bag for the shower. It was on my dresser where I always left it. I was about to grab it and head to the shower when I spotted the ring Jacob had given me sitting next to my toiletries. I paused for a moment then picked it up. I looked at it turning it over in my fingers. I looked at the inscription on the inside of the ring.

**_Your Jacob~ Your Sun~ Forever_**

For some reason I felt compelled to go work things out with Jake. I wanted to say goodbye and tell him thank you for everything he did for me. I was still mad at him for hurting me, but I understood a little clearly now that my true love was back. You really can't help who your soul mate was.

I quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and put the ring in my pocket. I ran down stairs and wrote Edward a quick note telling him where I went and that I would be back soon. I decided to take my motorcycle since it would be faster than the truck. I grabbed my helmet and Jacket and headed out the door.

It was a very dark cloudy day that threatened rain. I was hoping I could get back before the skies opened up on me and released it's furry.

I jumped on my bike and headed towards La Push. I was about half way there when it started to rain. I wasn't going to let the rain stop me. I was stubborn and wanted to tell Jake everything I needed to.

The rain continued to pour down harder and I knew I should have pulled over and called Edward to come and pick me up, but I was too determined. I was having a hard time seeing in front of me through the rain so I barely saw it when the deer ran out into the road from the forest.

I turned too quick to miss hitting the deer and the back end of the bike shot out from behind me and I was flying over the handlebars head first towards the asphalt. I hit the ground hard my left side bearing the brunt of the impact. Before I could move the bike slid to a stop right on top of me. All I could feel was pain all over my body. I knew I was bleeding cause I could smell the blood. Everything went black around me as I drifted into unconsciousness.

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	10. Chapter 10 Decisions

**_Sorry this has taken so long to get out. I wasn't sure how to write this and it was really hard. But there you have it. I hope you like it. Don't forget to review and maybe I will get the next chapter out faster. LOL Just kidding. I will get the next chapter out soon. Thanks for being patient._**

**_I own nothing!_**

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Edwards POV

I was getting ready to head back to Bella's house when I heard Alice calling for me. I looked back up the stairs where Alice stood frozen with a distant look in her eyes.

"Bella, no!" She screamed. Just then I saw everything that Alice had seen. Bella on her motorcycle heading towards La Push, the rain pouring down, a deer darting out in front of her, she swerves and crashes with the bike landing on top of Bella, Bella unconscious.

Before I even could think straight I was out the door. I heard Alice scream for Carlisle, but I couldn't focus on anything else except getting to Bella. I had to save her, this couldn't be happening, I just got her back, I can't lose her now. I won't lose her.

I decided that running would be the fastest way to get to her. I took off towards the forest running faster than I ever had. I had to get to Bella before it was too late. The rain was falling down heavy around me. In the distance I could hear a rumble of thunder. I rounded a bend and I knew I was close, I could smell her blood, her sweet exquisite blood calling to me, this time begging me to save her. I pushed myself even faster and headed towards the road.

I saw Bella in the distance, the bike had been pushed off of her and there were four large dark figures huddled around her. I recognized Jacob instantly as I came upon my Bella. He had her head in his arms cradling her. He was crying and rocking back and forth. Someone was shouting at him that someone else named Quil would be there soon with a car to take her to the hospital.

I braced myself for what I was about to see when I stopped in front of Bella. I knelt down by her head.

"Bella, Bella, please answer me." I cried out. I felt everyone staring at me but I didn't care, all I cared about this second was Bella. She had blood caked to her head. I saw a deep contusion on the left side of her forehead. Her jacket and pants were shredded along the left side of her body and I noticed more blood from cuts that ran down her arms and legs. Her right leg looked broken in several places and there were several ribs grotesquely protruding under her sin.

"Give her to me now!" I growled.

_Bella I am sorry, I am so sorry, please Bella wake up. _Was all Jacob was thinking. I tried to grab her from him, but a large hand pulled me back.

"Get your hand off me now." I yelled not taking my eyes off of Bella.

"You are on our land blood sucker, I suggest you take your hands of Bella now and leave before we rip you to shreds for crossing the treaty line." I finally looked up into the dark eyes of one the Quileute Indians.

"My fiancé is dying in front of me and you want me to care about some stupid treaty? I don't think so." I said. I looked back down to Bella in Jacobs arms and said "Give her to me now. I can at least try to save her instead of just letting her die here."

I heard several thoughts at once. _Fiancé, when did they get engaged? _

_I thought he didn't love her any more. Leave it to Bella to take him back after all the pain he put her through. _I head another thought say.

I tried to block them out. I grabbed Bella from Jacobs arms. She was limp and her pulse was very slow, too slow. I had to do something and quick. Just as I had Bella in my arms I saw Carlisle's Mercedes pull up.

_Oh thank God! _I thought. _If anyone can save her Carlisle can._

_Edward, you know you are on Quileute land right? _I heard Carlisle think to me as he got out of the car.

"I don't care who's land this is. Bella is dying, please Carlisle do something." I begged.

Alice was right next to Carlisle along with Emmett.

"Hold your breath you guys, there is a lot of blood." Carlisle said as he rushed to my side.

_Crap this isn't good, not good at all. I don't think there is anything I can do Edward, she has lost too much blood. There are too many injuries. If we move her we could do more damage. _Carlisle thought examining Bella's ravaged body in my arms.

"Carlisle, that isn't acceptable, please save her, I can't lose her, I just got her back. Please!" I sobbed out.

_Edward, I can't see anything with the wolves here. I don't know what to do to help, we need to get her away from them so I can get my vision back. _Alice thought to me as she kneeled down next to me. Her face was pained. She loved Bella just as much as I did.

"What are you guys waiting for? Take her to the damn hospital." Said one of the Quileute's. "Or are you going to wait till she is dead and drain her of her blood?"

I saw Emmett take a step towards whoever it was who spoke looking like he was ready to tear his head off.

"Now is not the time to be fighting, Bella is dying. I just don't think there is anything I can do to save her. I just don't know." Carlisle said pulling off his scarf to make a tourniquet. "Edward, I need your shirt, she is loosing too much blood from her head wound."

I quickly took off my shirt and pressed it up against the wound on Bella's head.

_There is only one way to save her now Edward, I am not even sure that will work. She is losing too much blood. _Carlisle thought.

I looked up at him scrambling for my thoughts. Carlisle wanted to turn her right here, right now. No, I am not prepared for this. I started shaking my head no.

"Edward it is the only way to save her son. She isn't going to make it if we don't." Carlisle said out loud looking at me.

"Edward, you have to. I don't think this is going to end well otherwise. You have to change her." Alice said begging me with her eyes.

I knew I had agreed to change Bella, but I thought I had some time to prepare. I wanted to marry her first, I wanted her to have that one human experience. Now my only option was change her or let her die? I knew I couldn't let her die, I would die right here with her. Once Bella ceased to exist so did I and I couldn't even picture a world without Bella in it.

"Edward, you need to decide now. She doesn't have much time her pulse is fading rapidly." Carlisle said ripping her pant legs down the center to get a better look at the injuries on Bella's legs.

"Wait a minute, are you talking about changing her into a vampire right here, right now? I don't think so. I can't allow that, there is no way I am going to sit back and watch you turn and innocent into one of you." Said, who I am assuming was the Alpha of the pack.

"We have no other choice mutt." Emmett growled out.

"Can't you take her to the hospital?" said one of the boys that had brought the car to take Bella to the hospital.

"No, there isn't enough time. She is going to die." Carlisle said.

For the first time, Jacob Black spoke. "Is this the only way? To turn her into one of you? She will live?" He asked tears streaming down his face.

"Yes, it is the only way and I am not even certain it will work at this point." Carlisle said looking around at all of us.

"Then do it. If that is the only way do it." Jacob said staring at Bella.

"Jacob, I will not allow that to happen. What are you saying, you know how dangerous that is?" Said the Alpha of the pack.

"Sam, this is Bella we are talking about. I know she want's this, I know that even more then her bloodsucker knows it. I can't let her die, even if it means turning her into one of them, I can't just let her die." Jacob said standing up and starring at Sam.

"Jacob, you are not the one to make this decision. As Alpha, I say no, maybe it is her time to go, why can't any of you just accept that and stop trying to play God. I will not allow you to change her and that is final, so I suggest you get her to the hospital." Sam Said with authority.

"We are running out of time, she isn't going to make it…." Carlisle said getting cut of by Jacob.

"As true Alpha , as Ephraim Black's heir you have my permission to save Bella's life. You have my word, this will not violate the treaty." Jacob said taking authority. _Wow, I should have seen that coming. I thought to myself._

"_Jacob, what do you think you are doing. You can't do that, I am the Alpha…" Sam stated to say._

"_No Sam, you are only the assumed alpha. I am the true alpha and everyone here knows it. Carlisle, Edward, do what you have to do to save Bella." Jacob said turning to look at Carlisle and I, then looking down at Bella._

_I saw Sam start to say something again. Jacob glared at him and told him that if he, or anyone else didn't like it they could leave. I saw Sam and another member of the pack take of into the woods. _

"_We need to get her off this road out of sight. We don't want someone to see her and call 911." Carlisle spoke quickly moving Bella into the safety of the trees._

_Carlisle laid Bella onto the forest floor. Alice sat down and put Bella's head in her lap. I new Bella wanted me to be the one to change her. I looked up at Carlisle and he nodded at me in encouragement. I did it just how Carlisle had told me I would need to do it when I spoke with him this afternoon about changing Bella after the wedding. Who knew that I would actually have to do this today. Not even Alice saw this coming. _

_I bent over Bella and took a deep breath. I could smell her sweet blood singing to me. I had to focus. I had to be able to stop and not kill my sweet Bella._

_My lips met the skin on her neck and I gave her a soft kiss and murmured that I was sorry before I let my teeth sink into her neck. He blood tasted better than any blood I had ever tasted in my existence. I knew I had to stay strong and ignore the monster inside me. I knew I needed to stop before I killed her but her blood was so sweet, my venom flowing freely._

_I felt someone rank on my shoulder. "Edward stop, you are going to kill her, she has lost too much blood and you still need to inject more venom into her wrists and ankles." _

_I yanked myself off of Bella and flew back about 20 feet. "I can't do it, I want her blood too much, it tastes too good, I just can't." I collapsed to the forest floor sobs wracking my body. I could still taste her blood on my lips and I tried to ignore it._

_I saw Carlisle put his mouth to Bella's wrist without hesitating, then moved to her other wrist. Soon he was down to her ankles working quickly knowing it was only a matter of time before Bella would be lost forever. When I saw Carlisle was done, I walked back over to Bella and picked her up in my arms. I looked and Jacob and told him thank you. He just nodded before he broke down again on the forest floor._

"_Come on, lets get her to the car and back home. We want to make her as comfortable as possible before the fire consumes her." Carlisle said running back to the car._

_Emmett opened the back door for me, he grabbed Bella so I could get in. He laid her back down with her head on my lap. Alice crawled in by her feet and put them on her lap. Emmett jumped into the front seat and Carlisle took off towards the house. Bella was completely still and silent. I was afraid we were too late._


	11. Chapter 11 Change

**_I am so sorry this has taken me so long to get out. I had major writers block. Thanks to everyone who has added me to their alerts and faves! It really makes my day to know there are people who like my story. I have another one brewing in my head and I have been trying to push it back till i finish this one._**

**_Please review and let me know what you think!_**

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It only took us a few minutes to get back to the house. I don't know that I have ever seen Carlisle drive so fast. During the short trip, Bella didn't move or make a sound except to twitch a couple times. Her pulse was very slow. To the human eye it would almost be non existent. I was afraid it was too late, I was afraid my Bella, the love of my existence was not going to make it.

Alice kept trying to reassure me that everything was going to be alright, but this time, even Alice didn't know what the future held for Bella. It was too close. Bella could leave us at any moment and I just couldn't bare the thought of that.

Once at the house Emmett helped me get Bella out of the car and I carried her inside. Esme and Rosalie rushed to our side.

"Oh Dear!" Esme said putting her hands to her mouth. She looked as though she would cry if she could.

"Is…Is she going to be ok?" Rosalie asked as Emmett pulled her into his arms to hug her tightly.

"I don't know. Her pulse is very weak and her breaths are short and shallow. I have done everything I can, now all we can do is wait and hope for the best." Said Carlisle taking Esme's hand.

"Edward, I laid blankets and pillows down on the floor in your room, I figured we would want to make her as comfy as possible." Esme said as I walked to the stairs with Bella.

Everyone's thoughts were going crazy and I did whatever I could to block them. All I cared about was Bella and trying to get her comfortable and making sure she survived this.

Once in my room I saw that Esme had laid down a large white down blanket with four down pillows. She also placed another down blanket that was folded in half at the opposite end of the pillows. I laid Bella down gently. I didn't want to cause anymore damage to her battered body.

I laid down next to Bella and held her the way I used to when she would sleep at night. The rest of the family filed in my room, all thinking the same thing.

_I am so sorry Edward, I hope she will be ok man, you know she was like a little sister to me too!_ Emmett thought.

_Just have faith my Son, Bella is strong, she will make it though this._ Thought Esme.

_Edward, her future isn't certain, but I really think she is going to make it. You two are meant to be together._ That was Alice. In her mind I could see two futures flashing through her mind. One, Bella and I were happy and laying in our meadow. The other, was Bella's funeral. I couldn't look at her visions any longer. I wouldn't let that happen to Bella, she was going to live with me for eternity. Alice was right about one thing, we were made to be together.

_Just have faith man, everything will work out._ Jasper thought as I felt a wave of calm flow through me. It didn't help much however. How could I be calm with Bella on the threshold of death?

_Well, this wouldn't have happened if you never left her in the first place Edward. You should have just changed her two years ago and been done with it._ Rosalie spat in her thoughts.

I looked up at her and hissed. Everyone looked between Rosalie and I. Like I needed to really hear that right now. Like I didn't already tell myself that. This was all my fault, I didn't need Rosalie to throw it in my face as well.

"I am sorry Edward, I shouldn't have thought that. I know how much Bella means to you and I want you both to be happy. I really do hope she makes it. I am sorry." Rosalie said sincerely.

"No, you are right. I should have never left her in the first place. Now I could lose her forever. I have been stupid, I don't know what I was thinking. I can't lose her, not now, I just got her back. I just can't." I sobbed.

"Son, this isn't your fault, this could have happened with or without you around. It was an accident and they do happen. Don't focus all your strength in blaming yourself, rather focus on Bella, you may have to keep her heart pumping if it gets too much slower. Try to keep her comfortable." Carlisle said kneeling on the other side of Bella.

"She isn't even moving or making a sound. Do you really think that the venom will be able to heal all this?" I asked gesturing to Bella's broken body.

"I have seen venom work miracles. Esme was presumed dead when I got to her. She made it out just fine. I really think Bella will be fine too. Bella has always been special. She may change in her own way too." Carlisle said as he took Bella's pulse.

"Edward I will stay with your during the transformation ok. Bella is my best friend and I want to be here for her also." Alice said sitting down on my black leather couch. She brought her knees to her chest and closed her eyes trying to see what was going to happen.

"Let us know if you need anything Son, we are all here for you and Bella." Carlisle said standing up and turning towards the door.

The rest of the family all looked at me with pained eyes. I knew they all loved Bella too and they were just as scared for her as I was.

Bella didn't make a sound, she didn't move except for little twitches every few minutes. I tried talking to her. I told her how much I loved her and how much I needed her. I told her how much I missed her when I was away and how sorry I was for leaving her. I promised her that if she just held on for me and made it through this I would make it up to her and I would never leave her again for all of my existence. For hours I laid there talking to my sweet Bella encouraging her to hold on for me. I told her how much I needed her and begged her not to leave me.

Eventually, I am not sure how long it had been, Alice came over and laid on the other side of Bella and spoke to her also. She also apologized for leaving her two years ago. She told her that she loved her like a sister and missed her. She told her all the places she wanted to take her shopping if she made it through this. I had to laugh. I am sure the last thing Bella would want to do was go shopping, but I just laid there and listened rubbing Bella's arms and back down to her legs and thighs.

I could hear Bella's weak pulse when all of a sudden it slowed even more then stuttered to a stop and she let out one soft breath.

"No, No Bella!" I screamed. Alice jumped up and yelled for Carlisle. I started compressing on Bella's chest trying to will her heart to keep beating. I heard the door open and close again, but I didn't look to see who it was. I breathed into Bella's mouth then back down to her chest.

"Come on Bella, don't do this. Don't leave me now, please breath Bella, damn it Breath!" I sobbed out pushing on Bella's chest, then back up to her mouth. Nothing happened. I wasn't going to give up. I wasn't going to let Bella leave me. She couldn't, I needed her.

I continued compressing her chest and breathing into her mouth. It felt like it had been minutes rather than seconds when I heard the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Bella's heart made one thump, then another and another. It was still slow, but it was beating. Bella twitched then took one huge gasping breath. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides and she began her shallow breathing again. I collapsed beside kissing every inch of her face.

"Oh thank God!" I said shaking with the fear that had consumed me thinking I was losing my soul mate.

When I looked around for Alice, she was gone and I was alone with Bella. Where the hell did she go? Ithought.

Just then Alice and Carlisle entered the room.

"Is she ok, what happened?" Carlisle asked taking her wrist into his hand checking Bella's pulse.

Alice went back and sat on the couch the way she had when we first brought Bella into the room.

" Her heart stopped beating and she stopped breathing." I said looking from Carlisle back to Bella's beautiful face. "I had to give her CPR. I thought that I had lost her for good. I was so scared."

"Edward, her future just became clear, she is going to be perfect." Alice said moving to my side.

"Are you sure Alice? I just…. I just don't know. Her pulse is so slow, what if her heart stops beating again."

"Edward, trust me, look into my head, she is going to be fine and look how beautiful she will be." Alice said pushing some hair out of Bella's face.

"She already was beautiful" I said kissing Bella on the cheek.

"Edward, listen. Her pulse is getting faster and stronger. Feel her, she is getting colder. She is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing. " Carlisle said grabbing my hand and putting it on Bella's face.

"She.. She is cooler and I can hear her heart beating faster, But why isn't she moving or saying anything. This isn't anything like how any of our transformations went."

"Like I told you earlier, Bella is special you know that. She will be fine Son don't worry."

We just sat there for a few minutes listening to Bella's increasing heart rate.

I heard Carlisle thinking about wanting to talk to me about something but he was blocking what it was her wanted to say.

I looked up at him and said "Carlisle is there something you wanted to talk about with me?"

"Yes, but I wasn't sure now would be the best time, I wanted to wait till Bella woke up, but maybe it would be better to talk to you now."

"Just tell me what you want to talk to me about." I said

"I told Charlie that Bella died in the motorcycle accident. I told him she died on the scene and that her body was too damaged for him to see. I told him that Jacob was there and identified the body. He didn't take it too well. Of course I don't blame him for wanting to see Bella one last time, but I told him she didn't even look like her. I told him it would be wise to cremate her and he agreed. He is planning the funeral to take place in a few days. You are going to have to go son." Carlisle said as he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, ok. I guess there wasn't much choice in the matter was there. How is Charlie handling it?" I asked.

"Not too good Edward. He is really taking it hard and blaming himself. Bella isn't going to take this too well either. She loved her father and it is going to be hard for her to leave him"

"So we aren't going to be able to stay in Forks then are we?" Alice asked already knowing the question.

"No, we will probably go back up to Alaska before we decide where we want to move more permanently. Or as permanent for us I should say" Carlisle said getting back up to his feet.

"Alice how much longer till Bella wakes up?" I asked

She closed her eyes and thought for a second before responding. "About another day and a half."

Carlisle left the room and Alice and I laid on either side of Bella talking to her and trying to comfort her. She never made a sound, never moved only to twitch. I wished she would scream or moan or squeak, anything to know that she was ok, but she just laid there with her hands clenched at her sides.

The hours passed and occasionally one of the family would come in to check on us. Nothing changed until Alice jumped up and said it was close to time. I could hear Bella's heart beat speed up thumping faster and faster. I knew it was close to the end.

Then whole family filed into the room kneeling all around as. They didn't want to make Bella feel intimidated when she first woke up. Everything was going to be new and different to her. It was going to be scary and over whelming. We would have to explain to her what happened and help her understand everything she was going through.

Bella's heart beat was thrumming at a very fast pace. She began to twitching erratically. Her eyes started to flutter trying to open.

"She is going to open her eyes in about 10 seconds." Alice squealed.

I grabbed Bella's hand and held it firmly. She was so cold compared to the warmth of her human body. Of course to me, she didn't feel cold, she just didn't feel warm the way she had before. Her skin was firm and smooth. I knew that she was going to be exquisite when she woke up.

Sure enough, ten seconds later, Bella's heart beat one last time and she opened her eyes and we all gasped.

"Bella, you…your ey…eyes! I stuttered.

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**_So what did you think? What do you think is up with her eyes? Would you like me to do Bella's POV of the transfermation or continue in her POV from when she wakes up? Also I am trying to decide on her special gift, anyone have any ideas? I have a few in my head but I would love to hear from you. And If I use it, I will of course give you the credit for it!!_**

**_Please review. It really does help to get me to write faster knowing there are people who are anxiously waiting and really do like the story._**

**_XOXO_**

**_DazzledLacey_**


	12. Chapter 12 Vampire Bella

**_Ok Thank you all for your reviews and idea's. I am taking them all and brainstorming like crazy. I am still taking idea's for Bella's power but I kinda have an idea where I may go with it. _**

**_I am glad you all are liking the story so far. I am really trying hard to write it well, however I know that I am no Stepheny Meyer. Well I am not even close. LOL But what matters is, i am having fun and I am writing for those who are enjoying reading this story. _**

**_Please review they make my day. I like knowing there are people out there who like this story, and for those of you who don't like my story that is ok too. Just don't leave a rude review. I would never do that to another writer if I didn't like their story. Remember this is FANFICTION! Have fun!!!_**

**_I also wanted to say thankyou to everyone who have added me to their faves and alerts. It makes me all tingly inside, oh wait thats just my Cullen boys. LOL_**

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Bella's POV

So this is hell, I thought to myself. I wondered what I had done to deserve this. Was it because I tried to kill myself, or that I was willing to give up my soul to spend all eternity with Edward. I never thought I was a horrible human being, I tried to live a good life, be a good person, but apparently it wasn't good enough and I ended up in this hell.

When I drifted back into consciousness, the last thing I could remember was the deer that darted out in front of me and crashing my motorcycle on my way to see Jake. That was when I felt the fire ravaging through my body. I could hear voices, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

I laid there and took the wrath that I was dealt. The fire burned through me for what seemed like months or years, just when I thought it was getting better I felt the explosion in my chest. I felt like my heart had combusted out of my chest, then there was nothing, no pain, no burning.

My eyes fluttered opened and I was looking into the eyes of an angel.

My angel gasped out with a look of wonder on his face. "Bella, you…your ey…eyes!" He exclaimed.

The sound of his voice startled me, I jumped up and landed across the room. He sounded like Edward, but didn't. He voice was still smooth and velvety, but somehow different. Even more beautiful than I remembered it. I looked around at the faces that were looking back at me in amazement. I recognized them all, but at the same time, they all looked so different, they didn't look the same. Everything overwhelmed me at once, the smells honey, lilac and sunshine which reminded me of Edward but ten times better than before. I could also distinctly smell cinnamon, hyacinth, pear, sea water apple, moss and rising bread. There were so many different smells I couldn't name them all.

Everything looked so clear to me. I could actually see air. How can you see air? The room was bright and the sun was shining outside. I could see rainbows dancing through the window. I was still looking at Edward but I could also see the rest of the family perfectly, they were all rising slowly from the kneeling position they were in. Alice had a huge smile on her face beaming at me. Her teeth sparkled white and shining in the light. Everyone else looked cautious and worried.

I was confused and everything seemed so overwhelming. I didn't know what had happened or why everyone was looking at me like they were, I was nervous and scared.

"What ha..happened to me? What is going on?" Even my voice startled me. It was like I was singing, I had never heard my voice sound so…so beautiful.

Edward took a step towards me. The sight of him took my breath away. He was gorgeous, no that wasn't even the right word to use to describe him. I had never seen anything more perfect in my life.

"Bella, you were in a bad accident and you almost died. We had to change you into a vampire in order for you to survive." Edward said taking another step towards me. I stiffened while I thought over what he had just said to me. I was a vampire, they changed me into a vampire.

"Bella, you are probably very overwhelmed right now with everything that is going on. I am sure this is all very confusing but we are all here for you to help you through this." My head snapped towards Carlisle's voice. It was like I had never really seen him before. His skin was almost luminescent his hair was so blonde it looked white. His eyes were a molten golden that almost glowed. He was beautiful.

"Umm, what's up with her eyes?" Said Emmett. His voice was such a deep tenor booming out.

"My eyes, is there something wrong with my eyes?" I asked looking back to Edward. I relaxed once I saw him. He had a huge crooked grin that reached his beautiful honey colored eyes. I wanted to run to him and kiss him, I wanted to touch his silky smooth perfect skin. Before I knew what I was doing I was in Edwards arms and I knocked him to the floor.

"Oh, Edward I am so sorry. I just needed to feel your arms around me." I jumped back up to my feet putting my hand to my cheek waiting for the blush to come. Everyone laughed around me a chorus of bells. Edward stood up and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.

"It's ok Bella, new born strength remember and it will take you some time to get used to being able to move at vampire speed. You will be able to control it all soon. We will all help you." he said as he pushed some hair out off of my face and kissed me softly on the forehead.

"Ok, will someone please tell me why Bella's eyes are the same color as ours?" Rosalie asked annoyed.

"Well I am not sure exactly. One of my theories is that Bella lost so much blood from the accident that she just didn't have a whole lot left in her system when she was changed. That mixed with our venom I am assuming is the reason her eyes are golden. Another theory is Bella could have some special gift that has attributed to her eye color. I have only heard of this happening one other time. Bella, how do you feel, do you feel the burn in your throat?" Carlisle asked me.

"Um, I just kind of feel thirsty, like for water. I feel like I could be a bit dehydrated." I said looking from face to face. They all stared back at me in amazement.

"You mean, you don't crave blood, your throat doesn't feel like it is on fire?" Jasper asked puzzled.

"No, should I? Is there something wrong with me? Leave it to me to be a freak in the vampire world as well."

"Bella, you are not a freak, trust me." Edward said looking me up and down with a smirk on his face. "We all knew there was something special about you as a human, it has just shown itself more now that you are a vampire that's all. You should be thankful you don't have the burn in your throat. This will make your first year as a newborn that much easier on you."

I saw Alice skip out of the room and was back in an instant with a large mirror.

"Ok, my turn." She said placing the mirror down in front of me. "I am so glad I changed your clothes before you woke up. Your clothes were destroyed in the accident so we trashed them for you. Now, take a look in the mirror and look how beautiful you are."

I did as she asked and looked in the long mirror and gasped. I hardly even recognized the girl standing in front of me. I took a step closer and put my hand on the mirror tracing the girls face, it was my face. My hair was long and full, it shined the way the models hair did on the shampoo commercials. My eyes were stunning. They were the color of light gold, almost yellow. My lips were plump and rose colored.

"Alice did you put lip gloss on my lips too?" I asked looking at my lips in the mirror putting a finger to them.

"Nope, those are your natural vampire lips hon!" Alice said looking at me with a dazzling smile.

" I have to admit I am jealous. She has better lips then me." Rosalie said with a smile on her face. She was smiling at me, actually happy for me. Hmm that is different. I will have to remember to ask Edward what was up with that later.

Looking back in the mirror I noticed my breasts were a little bigger and firmer. My arms and legs were toned and firm. I was wearing a light blue sundress that made me look very curvy and even sexy. I even had just a little cleavage at the top of the dress. My body had curves and muscles. I couldn't believe that this beautiful person in the mirror was actually me.

"Your beautiful love" Edward said stepping behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. I looked at him in the mirror and giggled. I couldn't believe I was actually standing here with all my dreams come true. I took another look at myself in the mirror before turning around to face Edward.

He pulled me in tighter and I tilted my face up to his. He slowly leaned his head forward and our mouths met. It was a slow soft kiss at first. I was taking in his smell and his taste. He tasted even better than he smelled. His smooth lips moved over mine now with more urgency. I felt his tongue slide against my lips begging for entry and I complied. I parted my lips and felt his tongue enter my mouth. I wrapped my hands into his hair holding onto him never wanting this moment to end.

Edward pulled back all too soon grabbing my wrists and prying my hands out of his hair.

"Oww Bella, remember new born strength." He said massaging his head.

"Oh, right, Sorry." I said kissing him on the cheek. I turned around remembering the family was still in the room, but no one was there. It was just Edward and I.

"Where did everyone go?" I asked.

"They all went down stairs to give us some privacy. They are waiting for us in the family room. There are some things we need to discuss."

"Oh ok, well lets not keep them waiting." I said turning and heading to the door. Edward grabbed my hand.

"You aren't cold anymore" I said to him as we went down stairs at vampire speed. Everything, especially moving at this new speed was going to take getting used to that is for sure.

"That is because you are cold now too just like me. So now I feel normal to you. You aren't warm any more either to me. You feel just right." Edward said leading me to the couch and pulling me down on his lap.

Everyone was looking at us all with a grin on their faces. I felt like I wanted to blush, but knew I couldn't anymore. That was a relief for me at least.

"I got to say Bells, you look hot!" Emmett said with a whistle at the end. Rosalie gave him a slap on the arm but still grinned at me, everyone else just laughed.

"What? She does, I am not going to lie. It was like she was made for this life." He retorted.

"She was beautiful before too, it just so happens she is a goddess now." Edward said pulling me closer and kissed the back of my head.

"Ok I am sitting right here, can you not discuss my looks in front of me please. It is embarrassing." I said looking down at my lap and biting my lip.

"Right, why don't we get down to business. We have a lot we need to discuss and decisions to be made." Carlisle said standing in front of us all. "Bella, this is going to affect you the most I think dear. I need you to listen to me and try to stay calm."

"Um ok. Shoot." I said looking at Carlisle confused.

"We had to tell Charlie that you died in the accident. I convinced him to cremate you. Jacob told Charlie he identified your body and we both told him that it wouldn't be good to see you the way you looked. He is holding your funeral tomorrow." Carlisle said walking over to sit on the coffee table in front of me.

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense I guess. It is probably easier this way. How is he taking it all? I am sure he is just losing it right now, and what about my mom, she can't be handling this any better. Geeze, this isn't good, not good at all. I need to do something to help them get through this, I need to know they are going to be ok." I said starting to panic.

"Bella, love please calm down. There isn't a whole lot you can do. We all will be going to the funeral tomorrow. Someone will stay back here with you, probably Rosalie. We are going to do what we can to comfort your parents, but you are going to have to stay out of sight. We can't let anyone see you. The only people who know you are still really alive are the wolves. I am sure Billy is with your Dad right now helping him with everything." Edward said rubbing circles on my back to try and calm me.

"We are going to have to leave then aren't we. We aren't going to be able to stay in Forks and risk someone seeing me, where will we go?" I asked.

"Yes Dear, we will have to move, that is one of the reasons Carlisle asked us all to come to this meeting. We need to decide as a family what we want to do." Esme said looking at each of us.

Carlisle stood back up and stood where everyone could see him to address everyone in the room. "I was thinking since most of our belongings are still in Alaska, we would go back there till Bella gets accustomed to this life style. I am sure the Denali clan can help her as well. When Bella is ready, we will decide where to go next. How does that sound? We can take it one step at a time. You all remember what it is like to be a newborn and how overwhelming it all can be. We need to be as supportive as we can for her."

Everyone seemed to agree with the plan and we decided we would leave just a few days after the funeral. My funeral. That just really creeped me out for some reason.

At least my parents would be getting the closure they deserved, I thought to myself. I was still worried about them however and I knew they couldn't be doing well right now. My mother was probably sick with grief and Charlie, well I couldn't even imagine how Charlie would handle this. We had gotten pretty close the two and a half years I had lived with him, I was going to miss him greatly and I was sure he would miss me. I wish there was something I could do to help them through this, something to help heal their pain of losing their only daughter.

"How are you feeling Bella, would you like to go hunt?" Jasper asked getting up off of the couch and walking over to me and Edward.

"I don't know, I guess I should give it a try. I am not sure what to do though." I said looking down at my hands.

"It is all instinct love. We will help you as much as we can, but just let your instincts take over and you should be just fine." Edward said standing me up from his lap. He got up as well and took my hand.

"Doesn't your throat burn at all?" Jasper asked still looking at me with a puzzled expression.

"No not really, like I said, I just feel like I need a drink of water that's all. I am assuming that this isn't normal?"

"No, this doesn't happen too often. Most newborns are in a frenzy for blood. Their throats have a constant burn and all they can think about is blood, but this is nothing to worry about Bella. It doesn't mean you still won't need blood or even want blood, I am sure you will, but this just makes things a bit easier and less painful for you. Go hunt and see how you feel after." Carlisle said putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Ok then, lets go catch an irritable grisly." I said with a smirk heading for the door with Edwards hand in mine.

"Yeah, that's my girl!" Emmett cheered and followed us out the door along with the rest of the family.

* * *

**_Up next, Bella's first hunt. Is there anything special anyone wants to see? I am writing for you. _**

**_Don't forget to review. Reviews really do help a writer!!!_**


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